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I feel isolated and depressed after my diagnosis. What to do?

NAS78277

I'm 35 years old, and I've only been diagnosed in July, despite the fact that I've always known.

However, I have the impression that I am having difficulties. However, I'm prone to laziness when it comes to keeping in touch with friends and acquaintances. As an autistic person, I've found that I've developed a strong desire to be the most important person in the lives of the people I care about the most.Since I don't know anyone else who has Asperger's or other forms of autism, I feel isolated and isolated.

  • in reply to James

    Regarding the term 'laziness', please see NAS76195's really good point -

    Autimator said:
    Is it really laziness that means you don't keep in touch with people, or is that you just don't think to engage?  There is a difference.

  • Welcome to the community. You will be understood here. Try not to worry too much about what others are thinking. You need to be kind to yourself now and give yourself time to adjust to your formal diagnosis. You have an invisible disability, hence it is going to be tricky at times, but there will be wonderful elements too. Get to know and like yourself first, others will follow x

  • Hi, welcome.

    Autism, where the wonderful and difficult collide.  Diagnosis affects autistics in different ways, it can be liberating or it can be painful, or both.  Its a journey, and can take time to adjust, just flow with it.

    Is it really laziness that means you don't keep in touch with people, or is that you just don't think to engage?  There is a difference.

    It can be difficult for autistic people to remember, and difficult to get their brain started on something (run out of spoons).

    That affects engagement with people, and even if you wanted to engage with people all the time that may be difficult to do.

    People will back off if we don't engage, that's usually how it works, so isolation happens.

    You could tell people you need them to contact you now and then, if you haven't been in touch.  It may not work, but worth a try.

    You could set up reminders.

  • I'm a 21 year old woman and I have some really similar experiences to you. I think the strategies that have helped me most is explaining to my friends that my difficulty in maintaining contact with them isn't because I don't want to talk to them, it's either because I feel overwhelmed in other parts of my life or feel like I don't know how to reach out. I was incredibly worried about what they would think about my diagnosis, but honestly it's been very liberating and I feel as though they understand me better.

  • Hi I am 50 year old autistic woman and I can very much relate to what you are saying. Friendships are hugely important to me and I have had so many failures over the years that it feels really terrible some times. I too often feel alone and isolated and that I am unworthy.

    You are not alone. We are going through this together.

    Welcome to the forum and for the next stage on your journey. 

  • Dear @NAS78277, welcome to the community.

    Thanks for joining this space, and thanks for reaching out.

    The sense of laziness allied with the desire to be the most important person in others lives is a reoccuring theme (the comments here might help with your situation: https://community.autism.org.uk/f/adults-on-the-autistic-spectrum/25811/feeling-alone-in-a-busy-world)

    Hope being here helps address the isolation.