I'm autistic and I ****hate myself for it...

If people only said what everyone liked to hear, then nothing would be said at all, that omission would have a worse impact than a morbid word or two, from someone trying to be genuine.

And not in the way you expect them to..

I care for all autism people. As I too struggle between life & death with my autism everyday & sometimes wish I didn't have autism when socialising because people say there aware of my autism but then need advice on how to deal with me.

I'm not a bad person I just really like the police. Who 99.9% of people hate. 

I

Me too.  It's pretty much in my head most of the time.  

I am sorry for all you are feeling. I don't have magic answers, but I am glad you've expressed this here. Better out than held in. We are reading and we do care.

My response to my autism is radically different from yours, so I'm not going to patronise you by pretending I understand your situation exactly when it isn't my experience and clearly can't exactly understand. But there are things have lead me to feel very, very hopeless before.

I am wondering ifrom the content of what you say whether your autism is recent news or whether you grew up knowing.

No, truth is you are never going to be "normal" - whatever "normal" means. But there so many things we can be which are as good as or better than "normal". But right now, you can't see that. It sounds like you've had a few too many obstacles and traumas to see that now. It is clear that you do need to reach out for the right support, whether the Samaritans or your GP.

I wish I could say or do something more

You know those who feel it have to say it. It can get truely dangerous if held inside. And if this person is saying it, then it IS the truth of what they are feeling.

I'm sorry you feel like this.  I also often feel frustrated and despairing about being on the spectrum.  However, there is hope.  Your GP may be able to help you.  Things can get better, I know that from my own life.

Hi NAS77174,

I am sorry to hear that you are feeling this way.  Hopefully these links will help you feel a little better.  You are not alone and you do matter.

You may like to have a look at the mental health section of our website which has useful links to information and advice about a range of mental health issues: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health

If you feel you need some support:  https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health/seeking-help 

I hope you feel better soon.

Take care.

SuzanneMod

Please dont say that as this is not to discuss and say you want to die because that isn't true please stop saying that as some people on here may not like you saying that

I agree you need to get in touch with your GP if you feel that low as it wont do you any good

Hi there i am battling Autism too every single day and i know how you feel if you wanna send me a friend request i am more than happy to listen and try and help you through it

Please call Samaritans. 

The system failed you, but don't fail yourself. 

Hi there, it's sounds like you are in a horrible place right now, like almost suicidal and that's worrying.

When you get that low you really have to reach for help, from your doctor or mental health services maybe, I've been to that dark place and I still find myself back there sometimes, very recently in fact that's why I came here to share my feelings with people like you, so I don't feel so alone, and I guess that's why you're here too.

People do care, they just don't always know how much a person is hurting inside, keeping posting and let all those feelings out, but think hard and try and throw in a few positives however small they may seem, there must be something you are good at, or something  you like or care a lot about,, hang in there, there will be better days.

Hi There, whilst I'm not autistic, my son is, although he is only 5. I truly hope you can see some light - I know I dont fully understand how you feel, and I will not try, you need to know that you are worth being here. If people can not see your worth, thats on them, not you. Keep trying and try to be positive, things will turn around. You should not be made to feel ashamed of who you are, just because you are autistic. Sending love and positive thoughts your way xx

I wish I was dead on a daily basis. People do care dude.. just not the people you expect to

I care very much. I too battle my autism. Every day.

For me, I have good days too and that is what I would ask you to hold on until that happens for you too. 

I'm not good with words, but I just want you to know that I am thinking of you. I wonder if you feel you could reach out to your GP and say you are feeling this way. Too many of us are lost to depression and we need to get to a better place, all of us that suffer from this.