Therapy

Yes I love the fact that I've found a place where people understand and can appreciate what I am going through and how difficult I find certain things (things which other people seem to find so easy).  I also get the impression people think I'm Making it up too because I've been too good at masking - it's like they just think "you can't be autistic because you don't look autistic" which is quite frankly ridiculous.  

I know that I often feel I'd like to put the genie back in the bottle but I, like you, know it will just cause more problems further down the line 

Thank you so much for replying to me.  I really appreciate it.

Hi there. How are you doing? Thinking of you and hoping that you are doing okay.

I think that there are two types of burnout I am having trouble with. One is autistic burnout through years of masking. And the other is work burnout which is slightly different. I have had a week off work to try and improve things for myself, but could really do with another 4 weeks!  Work has become all encompassing. I can't switch off from work, but I also dread it. That is the work burnout for me. I will go back to work on Monday, but my manager has said that if I need more time off, then that is okay.

As far as understanding autism, I love this quote which I learnt from a Autism course that I am doing:

The privilege of being oneself is a gift many taken for granted, but for an autistic person, being allowed to be oneself is the greatest and rarest gift of all

[NB the original quotation refers to 'someone with AS']

The quotation is taken from Alyssa Aleksanian's Chapter entitled 'Opening the Umbrella':

Beardon, L. and Worton, D. (Eds) (2017). Bittersweet on the Autism Spectrum. London: Jessica Kingsley.

I have been doing a lot of reading too. Which books have you found useful?

Take care and look after yourself.

Mrs Snooks

MrsG you’re not alone.  It is terrible but the one thing I do know is that we will get through this.

i am so pleased to have found somewhere where people understand.  I often feel as though people think I’m making it all up because I was so good at masking.

somedays I wish I could put the genie back in the bottle but that would just lead to another episode further down the line.

I would. The adaptations might make all the difference.

Reading your post - it feels like I could have written it myself.  I'm currently in a terrible bout of depression/anxiety too - this is by far my longest and most severe as I, like you, keep having panic attacks or crying.  I seem to bounce from one to the other.  I too am off work and am meant to be returning on 7th march but I just don't know how I'll cope because again like you I just can't cope outside of my 'bubble'.  

I am waiting for my diagnosis and am currently waiting for yet another set of CBT sessions - but I'll be honest the CBT just doesn't work for me.

I feel so very alone and although my husband tries to be supportive I think he believes that I am just doing all of this for attention and because I'm too lazy to work.  I just don't know what to do.  My heart is now racing just doing this post.

Thank you Mrs.Snooks.  I am currently on statutory sick pay but will look into the employment advice.

how would I know if I’ve got burnout?  And how do you learn to understand your autism?  I’ve been doing a lot of reading but don’t really know how to implement anything because I don’t know what the answer should be…!

Hi Dawn.  Thank you for your reply.  I’m not quite at that age yet but I’m sure it will be a joy soon.  I’m 40 this year.  I did think that CBT would need to be altered and I’m sure my IPT lady said she was putting me on that list but I will double check when I get an appointment 

Hi there. Sorry to hear you have been having problems. I have bipolar and have had a range of therapy and medication for this. This was all before my autism was identified. I totally relate to feeling lost and helpless.

I gave up my high power job because of my health and if there was one bit advice that I wish I had given myself was to use sick leave. And get employment advice.I understand that there is an employment advice line for Autism UK.

I think the other advice I would give myself was that to understand myself and my mental health better. , I needed to understand my autism better. To understand that I need time to recover from burnout - which I'm having trouble with at the moment. To understand that I am autistic and that that affects everything in my life and that I need to adjust my environment to be in a better place mentally.

Hang in there and be kind to yourself.

The short answer is 'yes'. CBT as is for NTs produces no results for us. There are adapted forms of CBT which the literature seems to indicate work better for us. Our thought processes are different and that needs to be accounted for. You might want to check out with team that they are going to offer you the adapted sort of CBT.

You don't mention your age or gender, but if you are anywhere near being a lady of a certain age...well, that can really do a number on us, making autistic stuff we used to cope with suddenly way harder. Seeing a GP about any hormonal interference might make a huge difference.