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How do I deal with my abusive father?

NAS77174

Hey guys. So I had a convo with my dad this morning about me not giving him breakfast. (I am a bit of a cook, but rarely serve food - more on this later) He popped the question as if it is highly expected for him to get breakfast yet I refused. And in my opinion, this is valid 'cause of a thing in the past that plagues me to this day.

On an early Monday morning two years ago now, I got up out of bed, went inside the bathroom, locked it and started to brush my teeth as my little sister, which is scared to just go downstairs and use the bathroom there started banging and yelling outside the door because she needed to go pee. I told her what I usually tell her in this situation (to go downstairs that is), and went on brushing my teeth. However this time she didn't take it so lightly and woke my dad up, which got him furious. He started banging on the door 3x louder than my sister ever did and as a result of the excessive banging, I let him in.

Big mistake. When I opened the door to actually see my dad he was in some kind of demeanor that allowed him to switch into a different state in a matter of seconds. From scared & desperate, to aggressive & hostile as he comes in and pins me straight to the wall with no time to react. After the push, he also punched me in the face where I fell on the hard floor tiles. He walked away quickly and left me there on the ground as my sister calmly comes in and takes a 3-second pee as if absolutely nothing happened at this point. As you might imagine, I was absolutely traumatized of this event. My dad always had been a bit of a violent one, but never actually abused any of us aside from mild mental abusive. (which is nothing compared to this) Linking it all back leades me to now where I come up with a bullshit excuse as to why I don't give anyone any food because what's the point exit, but he didn't exactly recipocate this way of thinking. (which is perfectly fine) I reply in the heat of the moment as my demeanor switches and I yell saying that he's the reason as to why I never give him food because it is very hard for me to look him in the eye and saying: "Here you go," with actual served food.

With that, I left the room without hearing his dumb response of how he's changed when he really hasn't and only thinks of himself. This is evident, because he also has these sorts of arguements with my mom and calls them 'mature,' in the way of him always trying to be right. I know what I'm saying here may be kind of black and white to you, but it is in every bit true and it is why I usually don't serve him or anybody in the family anything to eat because I also usually don't, especially my own parents because they can cook on their own perfectly fine. Did I make the right call?

Parents

  • That sounds terrible. Regardless of family titles, father, mother, sister, and so on, it's what people do and the actions they take, and how they treat you that's what's important. Communicating with a person like your father is difficult, since he only says things to protect himself and put himself into the position of being right all the time. It's not "mature," it's corrupt, an abuse of power and authority.

    I've had a family member throw a punch at me in pure rage, and it's terrifying to have the knowledge of what they are capable of doing, that they can be violent, that they can harm you to that extent, and it triggers a fear of death and dying, and having people around you ignore you in a life-threatening situation, while you are suffering, and all that will cause trauma.

    You lost trust in them. I mean a part of the evolution of trust is supporting each other's life in some way, but if someone has harmed you and has threatened your life, that's detrimental to trust, and why would you then want to feed the body of someone who could ultimately cause harm to you? That's like the energizing a monster who will destroy you.

    If you can, move away from them, and then you can have the freedom to do the things you want to do. 

Reply

  • That sounds terrible. Regardless of family titles, father, mother, sister, and so on, it's what people do and the actions they take, and how they treat you that's what's important. Communicating with a person like your father is difficult, since he only says things to protect himself and put himself into the position of being right all the time. It's not "mature," it's corrupt, an abuse of power and authority.

    I've had a family member throw a punch at me in pure rage, and it's terrifying to have the knowledge of what they are capable of doing, that they can be violent, that they can harm you to that extent, and it triggers a fear of death and dying, and having people around you ignore you in a life-threatening situation, while you are suffering, and all that will cause trauma.

    You lost trust in them. I mean a part of the evolution of trust is supporting each other's life in some way, but if someone has harmed you and has threatened your life, that's detrimental to trust, and why would you then want to feed the body of someone who could ultimately cause harm to you? That's like the energizing a monster who will destroy you.

    If you can, move away from them, and then you can have the freedom to do the things you want to do. 

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