Tell your experience or whatever you know about this topic.
Tell your experience or whatever you know about this topic.
If I couldn't understand the difference between offensive comments and constructive criticism, I would take a thoughtful a step back from all situations where this is happening and remove my self completely, which I have occasionally.
There is a difference between boundaries and abuse. There are also 2 parties in an exchange and both can decide what responsibility, if any, they have toward / with one another. If it's a stranger, I'm not obligated in any manner to engage. If it's a friend and it appears offensive, I might ask them if they mean to be hurtful or if they were trying to help. I might re-examine our friendship if I didn't ask for advice. I might re-examine how I come across to them or how I've worded something. Am I instigating a thing? Neurotypicals seem to enjoy a Troll, as it's a 'sign' of attention.
I'm not a fan of allowing myself to just take abuse - I feel I did enough of that as a child and have spent quality time working out certain fundamental principles of relationships and engagement. Online, I try to facilitate open debate and there are very rarely individuals who I will try to help give a further explanation of where I am coming from. If someone responds open to reasoning with and with out being dismissive or domineering, I don't mind if we don't agree. But some humans have no intention of connecting, so, I respond appropriately by not.
Well it depends what effect those things have on you. I think that it'll impact you if a part of you agrees that those negative things are true.
I think that if someone is avoiding something out of fear, then those negative comments will bother them and make them feel uneasy, and unless they choose to face that fear and come to terms with it, they'll be affected by what others say about them.
But if someone knows that the other person is just trying to rile them up, and they know it's not worth their time or energy to interact with that idiot, and they turn themselves away from that idiot to concentrate on the other and more important in life, then that's a sign of maturity. I mean you can spend 3 hours arguing with an idiot and you can't get that time back, or you can spend 3 hours eating popcorn and watching a movie you enjoy, or 3 hours doing anything else you want to do, but that time is yours and not wasted on that idiot.
I'd say if someone fears rejection, they should try to do what they're afraid of, so they understand how that fear affects them, and find different ways to approaching a situation, so that fear doesn't always end in the same way.
It reminds me of a TED talk I watched the other day on YouTube, called "Jia Jiang: What I learned from 100 days of rejection". Here is the link, or the video title can be searched up.
Basically a synopsis is that he has a fear of rejection that's haunted him since childhood. But since that fear was interfering with his business goals in his adult life, he did an experiment where he'd film himself asking someone something outlandish, in order to face rejection.
depends what you call hate or criticism.... sometimes you have to be open minded about criticism and see it as potential growth, like if someone says you smell then perhaps you maybe do need a shower and shouldnt take it as a attack?
but yeah baseless insults you should generally avoid.... or teach them a lesson by slinging it right back at them as i always opt to do and then double down and see if how much they can take of it lol
Thanks for sharing your experience!
The more secure your sense of self, the less likely you are to react with anger. Anger is a response to our ego feeling under attack. There is no threat of imminent physical bodily harm. There is only a perceived threat to our fragile ego. For our ego to survive, it needs to be right. And to be right it has to make others wrong. So our anger is how we know our ego has kicked in. We are making what someone else said or did to be wrong‚ so that we can feel right.
Psychologists refer to it as victim mentality, and it is recognised as one of the hallmark traits of malignant narcissism. The malignant narcissist hides their feelings of inferiority behind the self-righteously moralistic camouflage of anger. If malignant narcissists had a catchphrase it would be 'Woe is me! The world is so bad towards me!' Malignant narcissists constantly consider themselves as victims of the negative actions of others. And they will very often resort to some form of passive-aggression.
Sadly, we have fostered a culture which encourages people to use anger to conceal their feelings of fear, inadequacy, and self-doubt. And we see more and more angry people creating external conflicts as projections of their own internal conflicts. And because our modern society placates and rewards people who consider themselves as victims, we are creating the perfect environment for the cultivation of malignant narcissism .
I think ignoring it as much as possible is a good thing. Reacting to it always seems to exacerbate the situation and make it worse in my experience
As for isolating yourself from such situations, I think it is almost impossible to isolate yourself completely or you will isolate yourself from other people entirely.
However, I think avoiding situations where you know it might be triggered makes perfect sense. I used to think avoiding situations where I would be triggered was a sign of weakness, I now realise it is a sign of strength
