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Finding support as a NT wife

Ali

Hello,

My husband has recently been diagnosed as someone with autism. It has made sense of many things but also hit me like a tonne of bricks now knowing that certain things will never change. I feel very lonely and isolated and I’m looking for support from other NT spouses who may understand my journey. (We’ve been married for 20 years and have survived many things including our daughter’s death…..I’m just so tired!)

Parents

  • Hi, 

    I believe my husband has ASC. His younger brother and older sister have both received formal diagnosis but he does not believe that he is the same as them. He is highly successful in his career and functions well in general society but at home our emotional connection is different.

    We had a very successful and happy marriage whilst it was just the two of us and went on to have three beautiful sons. After the birth of our first child I developed PND and that is where things became a challenge. When I was no longer able to offer him the personal focus and stability from a relationship that he needed, he became far more distant and wrapped up in his work. The emotional connection that we had had previously was unravelling. As my PND became better, and I gave up work things got back to more of an equilibrium as I could focus solely on him, the children and my role in the house but then I went back to work when our youngest son was four. As my career progressed again and I began to feel more like the individual I had once been, our lives became harder to manage on a logistical front. It got to the point where I was feeling completely isolated, unvalidated and lost within the relationship and he felt that I was becoming more irrational and unpredictable in my emotions. It ended up with a period of separation which actually shook him more as he felt that he was fighting on every front. Whilst he could manage the masking at work and be very successful he needed the stability and safety at home to allow him to deal with the pressures of a high powered job. 

    Anyway, after all that background, we got back together but things are still a challenge. The fact that  I think he has ASC yet won't acknowledge it, worries me for the same reason that you stated in your post; I am worried that things will never change and I will never have that emotional connection, validation and support that I would like from a marriage. 

    I can't offer any advice but I can say that I feel in a very similar position to you. It is a very lonely place to be in and I don't know how to move forward. 

    Let me know how things are going.

    K 

Reply

  • Hi, 

    I believe my husband has ASC. His younger brother and older sister have both received formal diagnosis but he does not believe that he is the same as them. He is highly successful in his career and functions well in general society but at home our emotional connection is different.

    We had a very successful and happy marriage whilst it was just the two of us and went on to have three beautiful sons. After the birth of our first child I developed PND and that is where things became a challenge. When I was no longer able to offer him the personal focus and stability from a relationship that he needed, he became far more distant and wrapped up in his work. The emotional connection that we had had previously was unravelling. As my PND became better, and I gave up work things got back to more of an equilibrium as I could focus solely on him, the children and my role in the house but then I went back to work when our youngest son was four. As my career progressed again and I began to feel more like the individual I had once been, our lives became harder to manage on a logistical front. It got to the point where I was feeling completely isolated, unvalidated and lost within the relationship and he felt that I was becoming more irrational and unpredictable in my emotions. It ended up with a period of separation which actually shook him more as he felt that he was fighting on every front. Whilst he could manage the masking at work and be very successful he needed the stability and safety at home to allow him to deal with the pressures of a high powered job. 

    Anyway, after all that background, we got back together but things are still a challenge. The fact that  I think he has ASC yet won't acknowledge it, worries me for the same reason that you stated in your post; I am worried that things will never change and I will never have that emotional connection, validation and support that I would like from a marriage. 

    I can't offer any advice but I can say that I feel in a very similar position to you. It is a very lonely place to be in and I don't know how to move forward. 

    Let me know how things are going.

    K 

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