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What it means to talk "AT" people?

Puzzled.

Hello all.

On my diagnosis sheet, my assessor makes a point of saying that throughout the assessment I was often talking "At" her, rather than with her.

This is also a point that my Wife and several other people through my life have picked up on in the past, and it's something I would really like to be able to understand, address and hopefully be able to change, or at least pick up on the fact that I am doing it in order to try and curb it.

The problem is, I have no idea what talking "At" people even means in order to even try and get a grasp on it.

Is there anybody here who could maybe help me out?

Thank you.

Parents

  • I talk at others. I don't mean to. I think it has to do with how I was brought up. 

    Talking at others means not actively including them in what you'd like to discuss. Giving a micro-lecture which doesn't make a conscious effort to invite the other's opinion or thoughts on the topic. Sometimes it means using phrases that externalise something on to the other: "You're not hearing me" rather than "I don't feel heard". It can mean not purposefully rephrasing something to create a question but just exerting an opinion, or worse, giving someone advice they didn't ask for. 

    Neurotypical individuals will use Command Words in their communication. It becomes code for shutting a thing down, asserting dominance (like an instructor) or a secret way of saying "I'm not interested". 

    Autistic individuals lost in a moment of monotropism & excited about a topic, apparently come across as if they've got a shovel, a mound of dirt and are just shovelling the dirt on to the NT rather abruptly and 'confidently' (to use an analogy). I do hate when others put their motives into my words. But I also don't mind trying to be kind. 

    Sometimes I try to remember that a conversation is like cake and tea. And the other might like some. 

    I've sort of just talked 'At' you. But in familiar company, with other autistics, I think we assume it's not my cake and tea and anyone can help themselves if they wish. In fact, all interesting things are open forum. 

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  • I talk at others. I don't mean to. I think it has to do with how I was brought up. 

    Talking at others means not actively including them in what you'd like to discuss. Giving a micro-lecture which doesn't make a conscious effort to invite the other's opinion or thoughts on the topic. Sometimes it means using phrases that externalise something on to the other: "You're not hearing me" rather than "I don't feel heard". It can mean not purposefully rephrasing something to create a question but just exerting an opinion, or worse, giving someone advice they didn't ask for. 

    Neurotypical individuals will use Command Words in their communication. It becomes code for shutting a thing down, asserting dominance (like an instructor) or a secret way of saying "I'm not interested". 

    Autistic individuals lost in a moment of monotropism & excited about a topic, apparently come across as if they've got a shovel, a mound of dirt and are just shovelling the dirt on to the NT rather abruptly and 'confidently' (to use an analogy). I do hate when others put their motives into my words. But I also don't mind trying to be kind. 

    Sometimes I try to remember that a conversation is like cake and tea. And the other might like some. 

    I've sort of just talked 'At' you. But in familiar company, with other autistics, I think we assume it's not my cake and tea and anyone can help themselves if they wish. In fact, all interesting things are open forum. 

Children