I have tried so hard. I have tried so hard to fit in. To behave how I'm supposed to behave. Whatever I do, I just am not normal. I don't know how to talk to people. I don't understand people. I don't understand why they like the things they do. I don't know what to say to people. I want to be friends but I don't know how. I see other people doing what I want to be able to do, but despite my best analytical efforts, it is a mystery that I can't emulate.
I've spent my whole life trying, and I have nothing to show for it. I'm so alone.
I've built up barriers, to protect myself: from other people, and from my own feelings, which I do not understand. I'm so alone, but I don't know how to connect with anyone. I have never managed it ever in my life, not even to my own family.
Today the levee broke. I came home and cried, and once I started I couldn't stop. I'm done. I can't keep on doing this. Is it burnout again? I curled up in a ball crying, unable to stop. That shouldn't happen to an adult. What can you do when you can't cope.
