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Finding it difficult to stop masking, even during counselling

NAS74251

Hi everyone, I'm a bit nervous as I don't usually post these things publicly but really need some advice. I'm a recently diagnosed woman (28 years old) who struggles with a few different areas but the main, daily issues are with anxiety, creating and maintaining boundaries, obsessive checking and maladaptive daydreaming.

I did online CBT 2 years ago after the death of a friend which did not help at all. I found myself carrying out all the activities perfectly well but didn't feel 'attached' or 'engaged' with any of it. My doctor asked me to see a counsellor which I'm currently doing as he hopes this will help us decide what therapy would be best. The problem is, I again am not sure if I'm engaged or simply giving the appropriate answers, which makes my anxiety even worse because I'm not sure how I actually feel vs should feel (I hope that makes sense...). My counsellor also stated I'm very insightful and self-aware, which he made out to be a good thing, but when I explained that I view everything as though there's a veil between me and it, and analyze situations as though its a book, he replied 'that might be partly' my Autism, and that we are all 'a little Autistic' to varying degrees. 

I was incredibly hurt by this; am I being overly sensitive or have any of you experienced similar issues with trying to communicate with professionals? Because my diagnosis is still quite new I am still trying to work out how it affects me and I'm struggling with a lot of imposter syndrome. To be told everyone is a little bit autistic though felt like a kick in the teeth; I've spent my life feeling dumb and confused and the diagnosis was like being given a hug and being seen. Now I'm just back to doubting myself since the counsellor was supposed to be my next step in improving my mental health.

Can anyone please recommend types of therapies they found helpful, or maybe online information I can check out? Ideally, for women on the spectrum.

Thank you xx

  • in reply to Deleted User

    Thank you for replying :) I'll take a look at ACT and CAT, and perhaps ask my doctor about face to face CBT xx

  • Hi I'm sorry your therapist said this. It's not helpful at all and they may have thought they were trying to relate to you but it undermines your diagnosis. 

    I can relate to a lot of what you say. The idea of "going through the motions" I probably did that when I have had CBT in years before. I never found it helpful. It felt like a one size fits all approach and made me worse. I struggled with counselling because it was too unstructured and I had to talk about my feelings which I found difficult because I didn't know how I felt.

    I had CBT earlier this year and found it really helpful...I'm quite self aware too and think I got a good therapist. During this I have a private assessment and was diagnosed with AS. This fed into my therapy and I had already mentioned to him I thought I might be AS.  I think I manage emotions more with my brain than actually feeling things. Anyway in my assessment report it mentiined ACT and CAT therapies to be useful for those on the spectrum. I think my CBT incorporated some ACT to be honest. It was more about learning to tolerate anxiety and be kind to myself rather than try to eliminate it or change my thinking. Quite often I am aware my thought process is an unhelpful one (eg black and white thinking) but that doesn't stop me thinking that way.   I haven't looked into ACT or CAT myself yet but it's something in my to do list.