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Recent diagnosis and repercussions

NAS73384

My daughter was diagnosed recently with ASD (and anxiety, social phobia and OCD). She's been misdiagnosed several times and is now 16 y.o. Her psychologist doesn't think it's useful for her to know her own diagnosis at this point and neither does my husband. I really think that she has a right to know (though obviously it should be explained carefully at the right time and we don't need to dwell on it).  My husband is telling her we can talk to her school and get her some help with her work because she has OCD and she's like "Why would I get help with my work because I have OCD?". I think that my daughter is strong enough to handle her own diagnosis and they are worried it will tip her over the edge as she's so desperate to be a normal teenager who fits in. Also, if we tell the school, as we should, wouldn't it be worse if she found out through someone else? Am I being selfish because I am an open person and because I myself feel the need to discuss the diagnosis? I think that if she knows why she's different, she will understand that difference better. I am English but my husband isn't and we often have different opinions but I feel we need to be open to get the necessary support. 

  • I can see by some blip your post has been duplicated. I dare say the moderators will delete one version and you probably want your responses in one place, so copying over mine from the other one to here...

    Ooooh 16 months might be different, but 16 years? K, I can't pretend to know your individual circumstances or your daughters, so don't know if there is anything else which means I should shut up, but I'd have thought on a logical level, that she can't begin to understand or accept herself or manage the social phobia, or learn how to manage in this world until she knows. I'm actually quite shocked she hasn't been told thus far by the services - gently, emphasising benefit as well as challenge, of course. But, she must sense she's different...

    I know, if anyone had known and kept it from me at 16, I would never have forgiven them later. But that, of course, is just me.

  • Jeez - when are you planning on telling her?     At 16 you're already on a time crunch to to get extra time agreed and things put in place for her A-levels and possible uni support and DSA applications.    And in between that she's got to get some social support to help her get an understanding of herself and her own needs - and you want to do nothing and so run her out of time?     I'm sure she'll be really grateful for that.

  • I can't see any reason not to tell a 16 year old the truth ,she might not like it , but lying to her is certainly wrong. She needs to come to terms and understand  who she is .

  • I don't understand how it is possible to have an assessment as a 16-year-old without being aware of what it is for. How did you explain it away? Of course you are right, she needs to know. I find it so frustrating when I hear of parents withholding vital information like this about a child. Your daughter needs to know who she is & why. She knows she is different. Of course she does. Putting a name to why she is different could help ease her other difficulties somewhat.

    How can she access help if she doesn't know what she needs & why? Why even get a diagnosis if keeping quiet about it. You are 100% right, your husband is mistaken in his thinking. Withholding this information from your daughter could be very damaging to her mental health.