Looking for ideas and suggestions

I've joined here after being diagnosed with depression and anxiety which I think have been triggered by my struggles to be the parent he deserves and who can connect with him in the way he needs. At times it is like there are two versions of him - one loving, kind, sensitive, curious and another side which he demonstrates when faced with change - emotional instability [rage, tears, anxiety, hyper-giddy behaviour]. We have long recognised that he struggles to cope with change - planned and unplanned - and when it occurs it almost appears like his subconscious takes over and directs him to act out as much as is humanly possible. When this occurs it is so difficult to get his attention and and calm him down. He becomes rude and can be verbally aggressive and shuts down any listening to others.

This is what I find so hard to respond to and that it is very difficult to predict what emotional state he will display upon any kind of change e.g. checking out of a hotel, having to get ready for school in a rushed manner, etc. Whilst other children his age seem to relax through iPad or TV, it almost seems to charge his batteries up so that when it is time to turn it off, he reaches new heights of giddiness. We try to restrict his time on these devices but it isn't feasible to have a zero tolerance approach. So basically apart from a carthartic confessional on here, I am looking for inspiration on how others manage because my son deserves better from me.

Thanks