Published on 12, July, 2020
I am a 34 year old male with Asperger's syndrome. I've been "officially" diagnosed since I was 19 years old. The "professionals" now think I may have borderline personality disorder. Other than my parents, I have very little to no social interaction. General "life" frightens me. I don't seem to fit in. Anyone else feel the same??
I have, most probably, felt like this for a very long time, but as I'm getting older, it seems to be getting more obvious. (getting older frightens me).
Moods are mostly anger, agitation, anxiety. Happiness is a rarity. Guilt is a big thing for me as well.
I probably do sleep okay , but at the wrong times, ie : - getting to bed for well after midnight , then restless until sleep eventually happens. Then I end up waking on the after noon , sometimes really late In the afternoon, such as 4pm.
Done quite a few diaries but, nothing jumps out to them.
hearing and reading certain words hurt. Ie I can't stand to hear or see them, and even worse when I hear them in my head.
other than being overweight, no health complaints.
I self harm, which helps at the time , and for so long afterwards, but yes, this is or could be contributing to the issue.
not sure how to answer what effects my mood has on my behaviour cos im not sure. (other than I do tend too go nuts.)
I feel I should never be happy, and that I should fight against being happy, as i am "nothing". When I see people, I feel insignificant, as if I am not important. I feel like I am trapped (or have trapped myself), and am not able to get out, and/or too tired to get out. And then repeat.