Published on 12, July, 2020
I finally realised aged 48 that I have Asperger's / Autism and got my diagnosis in April this year. Initially, it came as a relief, the explanation of why my life has gone so "wrong".I have come to terms with it (the autism), but in the previous 15 years I have withdrawn, leaving the house rarely and avoiding socialising.I find talking / writing about myself difficult.
Thank you for your considerate reply, Tom.Although I'm relieved to finally understand, I do feel disappointed that I didn't realise sooner. I have known that there was something wrong or different about me from the time I started to think.I too have lived with a great deal of anxiety and depression; I'm finding that the diagnosis is helping me to rationalise and keep from my lowest lows.
I was bullied by two older brothers, amongst other things for being female, so I learned to act tough, an act that I carried on into adul life as a mask, which enabled me to work. When I had an accident that caused the onset of chronic pain, I couldn't keep it up, I didn' know who I was, so I withdrew from everything.I'm very lucky, in that I have an understanding partner. He has Chronic Fatigue, so we are a kind of "coping together" unit.
One of the main things that led me to my diagnosis is my extreme varied competence, which causes me difficulties with self-employment.