New to community - Meaning of Spectrum

Hello

My name is Livvy and I have two younger sisters myself. I'm 19 (my sisters are nearly 17 and just 15) and I was diagnosed with Asperger's (when it was still called Asperger's) when I was 15. I often think how tough it has been for them, especially as I have quite prominent mental health issues including psychosis along with the ASC issues and this has caused problems for all of us. I spend a lot of my life guilty and unhappy at what my family have had to suffer because of me. But to be honest, indirectly I have to endure a lot from them as well, because it is really tough when I see my 16-year-old sister looking confident and beautiful, getting flowers from boys and seeming to go out every night with friends, when I have no friends, no relationship, no part-time job even though I am nearly three years older. I feel angry at myself for being so useless and unable to give big sisterly advice - whenever I try and talk to her she just tells me to go away, usually. It has hurt our relationship somewhat - some days I can't bring myself to speak to her properly, or I find myself making snidey comments because I'm so jealous; the jealousy is just boiling under my skin. I'm not a good person; I find it hard to be happy for them, having normal lives, when I can't have a normal life myself, but I'm going to university this September and am hoping to start a new life there, even though some days I don't feel very optimistic about it! Sorry to pour out to you a bit like that; I really hope the things I've written haven't alarmed you, my mum always says it's important to remember that I have a mental illness (bipolar disorder, and a lot of problems regulating my emotions) as well as autism and therefore that's going to affect my relationships too. What I'm really trying to say is, it is hard for neurotypical children to have autistic siblings fpr many reasons. But, although it's no one's fault, it can also be hard for autistic children to see their neurotypical siblings developing in a more conventional way and being more accepted amongst their peers and (often) more able to function in daily life, without the horrible meltdowns etc.

People do underestimate how sensory issues can affect people - I know my emotions are all over the place after I come home from a loud, bright place, and that's just me on my own, so I can't imagine how you manage triggers with three totally unique girls! It sounds like you are doing a great job: I don't have much advice because I'm not a parent and my sensory processing needs aren't as severe as a lot of other autistic people's are (at least, I don't think they are!) but do your daughters find squeezy sensory toys helpful? I have this ice pack that's full of blue beads and you can heat it up, freeze it, whatever you want to do, and I do find it quite calming. I often take it with me when I'm going to the cinema: I find the cinema a tad tricky, because of the sensory issues that go along with it (though like I said, my sensory processing needs aren't so significant that I have to go to relaxed screenings; I can easily cope with a regular screening and have never found that a particularly major challenge, though I know it definitely is for other people) but mainly because I just get bored and start wanting to pace around, so I find that helpful. That's the only real tip I can give, sorry, but I'm sure someone will be along soon with some really good advice!  

It is amazing how differently people across the spectrum present. No two autistic people present in the exact same way. We have a really close family friend who has an autistic nephew and an Asperger's niece, and they're brother and sister, but it just does not look like the same condition (I know gender is often a factor with presentation, but your girls sound as diverse amongst themselves). It's amazing to see; but challenging, I'm sure, as their needs often clash and as you say, when our friend's brother and sister-in-law are trying to protect one of their children, the other one is often triggered. It seems such a tough situation and we're always here if you need to vent.

Hope you and your girls have a good week,

Livvyxx

Hello

My name is Livvy and I have two younger sisters myself. I'm 19 (my sisters are nearly 17 and just 15) and I was diagnosed with Asperger's (when it was still called Asperger's) when I was 15. I often think how tough it has been for them, especially as I have quite prominent mental health issues including psychosis along with the ASC issues and this has caused problems for all of us. I spend a lot of my life guilty and unhappy at what my family have had to suffer because of me. But to be honest, indirectly I have to endure a lot from them as well, because it is really tough when I see my 16-year-old sister looking confident and beautiful, getting flowers from boys and seeming to go out every night with friends, when I have no friends, no relationship, no part-time job even though I am nearly three years older. I feel angry at myself for being so useless and unable to give big sisterly advice - whenever I try and talk to her she just tells me to go away, usually. It has hurt our relationship somewhat - some days I can't bring myself to speak to her properly, or I find myself making snidey comments because I'm so jealous; the jealousy is just boiling under my skin. I'm not a good person; I find it hard to be happy for them, having normal lives, when I can't have a normal life myself, but I'm going to university this September and am hoping to start a new life there, even though some days I don't feel very optimistic about it! Sorry to pour out to you a bit like that; I really hope the things I've written haven't alarmed you, my mum always says it's important to remember that I have a mental illness (bipolar disorder, and a lot of problems regulating my emotions) as well as autism and therefore that's going to affect my relationships too. What I'm really trying to say is, it is hard for neurotypical children to have autistic siblings fpr many reasons. But, although it's no one's fault, it can also be hard for autistic children to see their neurotypical siblings developing in a more conventional way and being more accepted amongst their peers and (often) more able to function in daily life, without the horrible meltdowns etc.

People do underestimate how sensory issues can affect people - I know my emotions are all over the place after I come home from a loud, bright place, and that's just me on my own, so I can't imagine how you manage triggers with three totally unique girls! It sounds like you are doing a great job: I don't have much advice because I'm not a parent and my sensory processing needs aren't as severe as a lot of other autistic people's are (at least, I don't think they are!) but do your daughters find squeezy sensory toys helpful? I have this ice pack that's full of blue beads and you can heat it up, freeze it, whatever you want to do, and I do find it quite calming. I often take it with me when I'm going to the cinema: I find the cinema a tad tricky, because of the sensory issues that go along with it (though like I said, my sensory processing needs aren't so significant that I have to go to relaxed screenings; I can easily cope with a regular screening and have never found that a particularly major challenge, though I know it definitely is for other people) but mainly because I just get bored and start wanting to pace around, so I find that helpful. That's the only real tip I can give, sorry, but I'm sure someone will be along soon with some really good advice!  

It is amazing how differently people across the spectrum present. No two autistic people present in the exact same way. We have a really close family friend who has an autistic nephew and an Asperger's niece, and they're brother and sister, but it just does not look like the same condition (I know gender is often a factor with presentation, but your girls sound as diverse amongst themselves). It's amazing to see; but challenging, I'm sure, as their needs often clash and as you say, when our friend's brother and sister-in-law are trying to protect one of their children, the other one is often triggered. It seems such a tough situation and we're always here if you need to vent.

Hope you and your girls have a good week,

Livvyxx