Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi there people,
I'm new to all this, so please go easy on me, cheers.
So now thats out of the way, im finding myself stuck for something to say...
I'll tell you what!, I'm just gonna come out with a little about me and what it can be like in my everyday life, then please feel free to let me know what you think.
Okay, I'm the right side of forty and two years ago I went for diagnosis for either aspergers or high functioning autism{depending on your preference}, due to having had a life which has been distressing to say the least. Little clues through out my life have led me down this path, being uncomfortable with crowds, struggling to follow group dicussions and humour, not being comfortable with change and awkwardness with eye contact are to name but a few. Anyhow since then I have tried to follow the advice i was given and slowly but surely am making changes in my life that "seem to fit" with me, and life is improving, so all is good.
I was once asked by a friend if i could describe what its like, so he could try better to understand and i came out with this analogy.
To me living with aspergers is like, living in a goldfish bowl!.
I can see the world around me and hear everything that goes on, but somehow I can't seem to interact or feel a part of the world, like everyone else on the outside can. Its not that i have no part in the world or no usefullness, its just that there always seems to be a invisable barrier between myself and everone else..
Does anyone agree with that?, i would like to know if anyone feels the same way.
Cheers for reading
Hi fionaroadster,
It's really nice to hear that you are wanting to help your husband and understand his 'condition' a bit more, it will certainly benefit you both in the long run.
When I was first diagnosed with HFA I did heaps of research on the internet and picked out 5-6 articles/documents/blogs that I found to be extremely useful, informative or interesting. I created a little document with these links and gave it to my husband to go away and read in his own time so that he could try and get an understanding of HFA in general. When he had read these and digested them, we sat down together one evening and he asked me questions about how HFA affects me personally and what he can do to help support me.
(For example one thing that really distresses me is if we have a day out planned to go to Place A, and then at the last minute my husband suggests going to Place B, I am almost 100% likely to have a meltdown because I cannot cope with the change in plans and I find it all too much to deal with. In the past he has attributed this to me being a prima donna and a bit of a high maintenance wife, however now he understands that it's not me being difficult, it's actually part of my condition that I just like to know exactly what I am doing, at what time I am doing it and where we are going to do it! So now he knows to try avoid suggesting things like this, and if he does want to change our plans he needs to give me notice so I can process the information and deal with it.)
Him taking the time to understand my condition made things so much easier and has brough us closer together. He know now that I am not just being a difficult wife but that I have a condition that presents issues with certain things in my life. I'm not saying that this hs made things 100% perfect for us because we are both trying to understand each other in light of this diagnosis an we still can clash...however it has most definitely helped us alot.
I would suggest maybe doing a bit of your own research on the condition, get a good understanding of it and how it impacts people, and then if you are able to sit with your husband and question him (gently!!) as to how he feels, would react to certain situations, what he likes/dislikes etc.
I really hope this has been helpful to you! x