Published on 12, July, 2020
He seemed quite keen to point out that having a "label" won't change anything, but ironically told me he believes my issues are due to Anxiety Disorder.
I don't really know what happens now, I forgot to ask. My anxiety levels are through the roof because a) my train was late and I was worried I'd have to have a confrontation with the surgery staff about being late, and b) I was worried about having to explain all this to a complete stranger.
I wrote a list, the GP read it and asked if I can function normally at home, so I said I can wash myself, cook food and do normal every day things. He seemed to concentrate on that more than what I was trying to explain regarding the social anxiety I have, having few friends, not liking crowded rooms/places, getting angry when plans change at the last minute, the feelings of being different or an outsider I've had for as long as I can remember (I'm 39 now), the fact i socred 41 on the AQ test, that I don't natuarally understand what my partner is upset about, the fact i mimic others behaviour to "appear normal", not liking confromtation of any form (even if I'm in the right), my extremem defensiveness at critisism, lack of sarcasm radar, not liking being teased etc etc.
He said it was up to me but thinks any test will not show any form of Aspergers or Autism. He said he's write a letter but there was a long waiting list, and with that he turned to his computer and said goodbye.
I feel physicaly sick with anxiety
Thank you everyone! Your posts are wonderful to read.
In the past, 14/15 years ago, I suffered badly with depression. I was diagnosed with Clinical Depression and I attempted suicide on more than one occasion. One of these attempts got me sectioned for a month due to it's severity. I was on anti-depressants for a very long time after that.
Since then I could say I've been depressed on many occasions, or had dark thoughts. If I was alone, no children or partner I would probably have been long gone by now.
I believe the depression is purely down to the fact that I feel like I don't fit in anywhere.
I don't approach people who are new around me, I always wait to be introduced by someone else. once introduced I never make the effort to ask questions about the person, get to know them. Lots of awkwardness etc. I always come up with a brilliant list of questions the following day when it's too late.
Generally I keep myself to myself. Around people I know, or family I'm close to, I can seem very extrovernt and confident. Inside it's just a huge battle to not go into another room and sit playing on my phone away from everyone else.