Published on 12, July, 2020
He seemed quite keen to point out that having a "label" won't change anything, but ironically told me he believes my issues are due to Anxiety Disorder.
I don't really know what happens now, I forgot to ask. My anxiety levels are through the roof because a) my train was late and I was worried I'd have to have a confrontation with the surgery staff about being late, and b) I was worried about having to explain all this to a complete stranger.
I wrote a list, the GP read it and asked if I can function normally at home, so I said I can wash myself, cook food and do normal every day things. He seemed to concentrate on that more than what I was trying to explain regarding the social anxiety I have, having few friends, not liking crowded rooms/places, getting angry when plans change at the last minute, the feelings of being different or an outsider I've had for as long as I can remember (I'm 39 now), the fact i socred 41 on the AQ test, that I don't natuarally understand what my partner is upset about, the fact i mimic others behaviour to "appear normal", not liking confromtation of any form (even if I'm in the right), my extremem defensiveness at critisism, lack of sarcasm radar, not liking being teased etc etc.
He said it was up to me but thinks any test will not show any form of Aspergers or Autism. He said he's write a letter but there was a long waiting list, and with that he turned to his computer and said goodbye.
I feel physicaly sick with anxiety
I think I would be a bit less categorical about your prospects without diagnosis but in the end, in your situation I would encourage you to pursue it.
Some people get through life with autism without catastrophes and without serious mental illness. Others, especially a lot of those (e.g. like CC) that have ended up on this forum having gone through the mill of the mental health system for many years without someone spotting the hidden problem that lurked behind all of their issues. I've ended up here following serious issues at work and needed the diagnosis to put me back on my perch. In hindsight I suffered depression and other issues but nothing serious enough to make me go to the doctor who I generally avoid - I had a thorough phobia of hospitals and anything medical. In many cases, the environment can be benign and supportive for someone with autism but others cannot cope with everyday life at all. It all depends! It is a spectrum disorder and we also have massively different environments so our experience and ability to cope does vary.
You sound as though you have issues with anxiety and perhaps worse. You have a young child to look after and you might find that family life without a diagnosis and some help with preserving your equilibrium may be challenging.
It is distressingly common to hear of doctors who have no idea about identifying autism in their patients but it sounds as though you have been referred (you should be able to confirm this by talking to the receptionists at the surgery) to see someone who should be able to work it out. I don't think I could be as patient as Asparagus and I actually read voraciously about it before I was diagnosed. I started with www.amazon.co.uk/.../1606236342 which both confirmed my suspicions and told me that a diagnosis wouldn't be a bad thing. The book felt a bit like finding an instruction manual for my own mind!