Hi.

Hi. I'm a 40 year old woman and I was diagnosed in February 2014. I have a high IQ, I'm great with numbers, but have specific learning difficulties. I have been under mental health services for 20 years but they shot me down 4-5 years ago when I suggested I had an ASD. They have been beyond useless and since my diagnosis have essentially told me to get over it and move on.

I have spent too much of my adult life in mental hospitals and was recently sectioned again with psychosis and catatonia. I also have dyspraxia and sensory processing disorder which were only diagnosed in December 2014 and I was privately diagnosed with ADHD in April this year. I am physically disabled and rely on crutches indoors and a powerchair outdoors. I get no support besides a visit every few weeks from a mental health social worker who knows nothing about ASD.

I have no family and I am socially isolated as I find it extremely difficult interacting with people in person or on the phone. I live in quite a rural area and find it very difficult navigating public transport, steep hills and roads without pavements in a wheelchair. Since they revoked my driving licence due to the volume of medication I take I now rarely leave the house. 

Yesterday I managed to go to the shops to buy food after going without for over 24 hours. Going out in the high winds and heavy rain has set my physical health back. I cannot care for myself, my living conditions are horrendous but I am not anyone's problem. If you don't have a family to fight for your rights and you can't fight for them yourself you get nothing from my local social services. Surely people who are too frail and too scared to shout for their rights are the most in need? 

I need to get across to people that if the right care and support was put in place I would be able to gain employment and contribute to society. I think I come across as NT on the few occasions I do interact with other people. I have started unconsciously stimming in public because I have come off of a lot of my sedating medication, I used to be able to control it. I unfortunately have had meltdowns in public when things go horrendously wrong such as my wheelchair breaking down. In the past I would be shipped off to a mental hospital which would turn a meltdown into something much more. 

I am waiting for an NHS ADHD assessment as I lost the paperwork from my private diagnosis. A small part of me hopes that getting that treated will improve things. I am definitely not expecting miracles. I'm sorry for the depressing essay but I am feeling very low, very alone and very frightened right now.