Fighting for my boy

Hi Boo boo,

 And welcome. Can I just say, congratulations on his diagnosis. Although It might not seem a plus to you right now, having some clarity early is a real advantage and will allow for some timely early intervention that many who get late diagnosis, sadly miss out on.

If you haven't already done so, contact IPSEA.

https://www.ipsea.org.uk/

Hopefully, they will talk you through a request for an EHC Assessment, which sould support your childs Education, Health and Care needs.

I'm afraid I know very little about the EHC process myself as my boys had statements, but IPSEA are free and offer legally based advice, so you are in good hands.

Re guilt, Please be reassured that it's something most of us mums go through. I beat myself with a metaphorical stick for years over my lads. To help you re: 'Coming to terms with a diagnosis,' you may find a previous post of mine helpful purely for the insight into the stages of coming to terms with this type of news.(See Below) Stay strong, be kind to yourself and always ask here if you need some advice or just to off-load even.

Coogy X

Earlier advice offered in another post

 I just wanted to say that in the process of healing; post diagnosis, it may be useful to think of it in terms of bereavement.

I’ve read somewhere that we go through 5 stages of Grief.

Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.  With the various life traumas I’ve endured, I’ve realised that I’ve been through a similar process. It’s brought me to the conclusion therefore, that a death isn’t the only trauma that we work through in this way to overcome traumatic events in our life and to arrive at healing.

In my most difficult times, I’ve also become aware that I’m often stuck in one area of the grief process. Anger or depression, often. What I’ve realised is that in order to get to the healing phase of acceptance, I have to go through all the phases, otherwise grieving isn’t complete.

Anger in particular, whilst a healthy part of the grieving process, can consume you if you are unable to move on. As with my own parents, I’ve now come to realize that the reason for such neglect or poor behaviour, has not been a deliberate act of maliciousness or true ill intent on their part, but a simple inability to be able to comprehend or cope. Confused and often angry about their inability to comprehend their own issues, they often search for reasons beyond themselves to rationalise fears failures or unaccomplished dreams.

We cannot change that past, but we can come to accept how it was. It doesn’t lessen what happened, but in accepting we cannot change it, it somehow lessens its hold on us and allows us to move on toward healing.

Thinking about life post diagnosis for me, I realise I’ve also had to go through a similar grieving process. Looking back; now with the sharpened reflection of the reasons for my life’s difficulties, It’s as though I have a new perspective. Almost like all the lenses have come into alignment now. Finally, I have acceptance and feel able to move forward.

I have no doubt that life will continue to be difficult for me in the future, but finally I’m at peace with the past.

I’m not sure if this makes any sense or indeed if it will be of help for your husband, but I wish him all the healing he deserves. Bless you both. I wish you luck.

Coogy

Hi Boo boo,

Welcome to the community! Hopefully you will find plenty of support and advice on here from people who are in the same situation  If you're ever struggling, it might be helpful to contact our helpline to speak to someone about your concerns. We also have a Parent2Parent service where you can speak to other parents.

I hope that this helps you but if not please don't hesitate to contact us so we can provide you with further support.

Sofie Mod