Published on 12, July, 2020
hello my name is Mark, I'm posting here mainly out of sheer desperation, I'm really struggling to cope and don't know what to do about it.
I was diagnosed with aspergers in my early 30's (i'm now 45), it was quite a shock and I didn't really deal with it very well, I mean I always felt like I was different and quite alienated from the world around me but I hadn't even heard of aspergers before that.
I've tried seeking help from the doctor but all they wanted to do was give me SSRI's which made me feel like I was going completely insane, and the local mental health team has been next to useless, there dosen't seem to be any support for adults on the spectrum in my area.
I haven't worked in a long time and I've lost all my confidence and become really withdrawn, I live on my own, I thought being more independant would help restore my confidence but in reality I've just become more isolated than ever before. I tried doing voluntary work but I find it really hard dealing with other people and ended up developing a couple of stress related conditions - insomnia and a skin condition which makes my skin flare up and go all red and itchy for which I have to take allergy meds daily to keep it under control, my anxiety has gone through the roof and I'm becoming really depressed.
My only social outlet is the local pub, I find drinking supresses the anxiety enough to allow me socialise a little bit, but my drinking is getting way out of control and I can't afford it anyway, I've already gotten myself into a bit of financial trouble and I don't think it's doing a lot of good for my mental health. Essentially it's just not good or sustainable in the long term, but anything is better than the soul crushing lonliness I feel when I don't go out.
Things just seem to be getting worse and worse and I'm really struggling to cope, I'm at my wits end and I don't think I can carry on like this much longer, I just don't know what to do, a few weeks back I attempted to take an overdose of sleeping tablets which obviously failed. I don't feel like I can turn to my family for help because I've caused them so much stress over the years and they are getting too old to deal with this sort of thing, it just wouldn't be fair of me.
so I guess what I'm basically saying is I need help and I don't know if there is any available.
i know how you feel in someways.. I'm 39 , diagnosed last year but always knew I was different. I never had more than one or two friends and I have been where you are now, but you have stepped in the right direction. Help IS hard to find and a lot of the anti- depressants can often make things worse.. When I hit my loneliest times I did what your doing now, I reached out to other autistics online and it was a blessing. Not only did I not feel so alone but I could talk to others who truely understood me. So now I can be hear happy and mentally healthy to return the favour :) I do a lot of yoga and thai chi to focus and balance and that has been as integral to my healing as finding online friends. I also had drink issues as it was the only way I could socialise and not seem like a freaked out serial killer lol.. I really am terrible at face to face and people often think I'm about ready to tear into someone even if I'm content lol...but I found more natural methods to relax me, chamomile tea when it's only mild anxiety and quiet life herbal tabs when it's through the roof.. I also go through the suicidal bouts but ( and I know sounds too easy ) I have over the years trained my brain into thinking " I feel like this now.. I won't tomorrow,if not tomorrow then the next day or the next but it will pass and I will realise how stupid it all seems..then I do an hour of yoga.. if that fails I use music that makes me feel "strong" happy or empowered ... I hope something here has been useful and I haven't been TOO much of a blithering idiot lol