Published on 12, July, 2020
hello my name is Mark, I'm posting here mainly out of sheer desperation, I'm really struggling to cope and don't know what to do about it.
I was diagnosed with aspergers in my early 30's (i'm now 45), it was quite a shock and I didn't really deal with it very well, I mean I always felt like I was different and quite alienated from the world around me but I hadn't even heard of aspergers before that.
I've tried seeking help from the doctor but all they wanted to do was give me SSRI's which made me feel like I was going completely insane, and the local mental health team has been next to useless, there dosen't seem to be any support for adults on the spectrum in my area.
I haven't worked in a long time and I've lost all my confidence and become really withdrawn, I live on my own, I thought being more independant would help restore my confidence but in reality I've just become more isolated than ever before. I tried doing voluntary work but I find it really hard dealing with other people and ended up developing a couple of stress related conditions - insomnia and a skin condition which makes my skin flare up and go all red and itchy for which I have to take allergy meds daily to keep it under control, my anxiety has gone through the roof and I'm becoming really depressed.
My only social outlet is the local pub, I find drinking supresses the anxiety enough to allow me socialise a little bit, but my drinking is getting way out of control and I can't afford it anyway, I've already gotten myself into a bit of financial trouble and I don't think it's doing a lot of good for my mental health. Essentially it's just not good or sustainable in the long term, but anything is better than the soul crushing lonliness I feel when I don't go out.
Things just seem to be getting worse and worse and I'm really struggling to cope, I'm at my wits end and I don't think I can carry on like this much longer, I just don't know what to do, a few weeks back I attempted to take an overdose of sleeping tablets which obviously failed. I don't feel like I can turn to my family for help because I've caused them so much stress over the years and they are getting too old to deal with this sort of thing, it just wouldn't be fair of me.
so I guess what I'm basically saying is I need help and I don't know if there is any available.
thanks for your kind words everyone.
I have been browsing the forums and have made a couple of posts, I will certainly stick around for a while.
I'm going to try and lay off the drink aswell, as really it is just making things worse, it's going to kill what social life I have though, but I think I need to start looking for other social outlets.
I'm not sure it's a good thing to find others who feel like me, because I wouldn't want anyone to feel like this, but I suppose it helps a bit to know that I'm not alone.
Whilst I would like to find my way back into work again, the pressures of work were one of the main factors contributing to me having a major meltdown/breakdown ( is there a difference ?) which eventually led to me getting diagnosed in the first place.
Also I live in fear of the fact that if I get a job and I can't cope that the process of claiming benefits again would be so stressful for me (assesments etc.) that it would make me quite ill, so I'm kind of wary about losing them now that I have them.