Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, I live with my partner who has aspergers he was diagnosed almost 2 years ago and he's 30. He hasn't had or been offered any support and althought Iv messaged verious people that shoul be able to help involving autism including the people who diagnosed him iv had no replys or iv had promises of being contacted and still nothing. I just wish there was some help.. Anything. My partner has a community service worker he talks to once a month, she has a son with aspergers... She claims to understand yet tells him he should go to the doctors for depression tablets... An tells him to do things she full well knows he just won't/can't do.. She also said to him I should be able to tell what he's feeling automatically even when he doesn't show it because after you have been around someone with aspergers for so many years you just know- which didn't go down well with him because then he started to be against me. Im not sure if she's right or not prehaps she is... I just dont think she's helping in anyway- I tried to point out that perhaps a mother son connections helps her, but he's still angry at me because now I'm supose to magically know everything. I try and most of the time I know when he is upset or angry. I just feel like I'm being given false advice and it really isn't helping. Is there any help?
Playing away is common but not normal in the statistical sense of what is most common. Most men and women do not do this and most partners would not tolerate it. You have the choice of whether or not to put up with this or whether to show him the door. Having ASD does not explain or excuse this and people with ASD can and do understand the conventions or rules around what a relationship entails. I have ASD and am in no doubt that if I played away then that would be the end of it. It isn't a hard or difficult rule to understand is it? ASD people are often very particular about rules but we can sometimes persuade ourselves that, for example, if we think that everybody else does something then the rules don't apply. I guess he may think it is normal and therefore that he can do it.