Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, I live with my partner who has aspergers he was diagnosed almost 2 years ago and he's 30. He hasn't had or been offered any support and althought Iv messaged verious people that shoul be able to help involving autism including the people who diagnosed him iv had no replys or iv had promises of being contacted and still nothing. I just wish there was some help.. Anything. My partner has a community service worker he talks to once a month, she has a son with aspergers... She claims to understand yet tells him he should go to the doctors for depression tablets... An tells him to do things she full well knows he just won't/can't do.. She also said to him I should be able to tell what he's feeling automatically even when he doesn't show it because after you have been around someone with aspergers for so many years you just know- which didn't go down well with him because then he started to be against me. Im not sure if she's right or not prehaps she is... I just dont think she's helping in anyway- I tried to point out that perhaps a mother son connections helps her, but he's still angry at me because now I'm supose to magically know everything. I try and most of the time I know when he is upset or angry. I just feel like I'm being given false advice and it really isn't helping. Is there any help?
,No, you are not "barking mad or stupid" Zimgill. I can identify with you as my situation has similatities, although I am not actually living with my 'partner'. He has always been described as odd and has a tendency to form poor relationships with most people, family,work colleagues, acquaintances etc etc.,but I know him at a different level and love and care about him very much. We are very close and he always says that he loves me and I am "the one". He needs me and always returns to me.
About two years ago I gently brought up the subject of Aspergers to see if I could persuade him to talk about how he feels and how he sees things.- apparantly the subject had never been mentioned before. We can talk freely about all sorts of thing including the way he behaves and treats me, but how much he really understands or cares I do not know. He likes to "say nothing" and stare at me; he can blatently lie and also can be very deceitful, anything to do what he wants and prove that he is right. His wife who died a few years ago was a very strong lady who kept him under control but since that control has been lifted he has, in my opinion, become very vunerable. I am not the controlling type, prefering to work through problems by understanding. However, one of his obsessions is women, and of course internet dating is a big draw. When I talk to hime about it he just says "why not"- even though he is "not happy" in the relationships and they don't last. In his eyes he is just being a "normal man" He will secretly take women away on holiday and when he returns it as though nothing has happened!. I do sometimes wonder why the NT has to do all the understanding and accepting and just how much self control and realisation the AS really has. I suppose nobody will ever know because we are all individuals. Surely the NT can have some expectation just as the AS has for themselves. Are there any strategies we can use to help and guide our loved ones to a more fulfilled and less stressful life??.