Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, I live with my partner who has aspergers he was diagnosed almost 2 years ago and he's 30. He hasn't had or been offered any support and althought Iv messaged verious people that shoul be able to help involving autism including the people who diagnosed him iv had no replys or iv had promises of being contacted and still nothing. I just wish there was some help.. Anything. My partner has a community service worker he talks to once a month, she has a son with aspergers... She claims to understand yet tells him he should go to the doctors for depression tablets... An tells him to do things she full well knows he just won't/can't do.. She also said to him I should be able to tell what he's feeling automatically even when he doesn't show it because after you have been around someone with aspergers for so many years you just know- which didn't go down well with him because then he started to be against me. Im not sure if she's right or not prehaps she is... I just dont think she's helping in anyway- I tried to point out that perhaps a mother son connections helps her, but he's still angry at me because now I'm supose to magically know everything. I try and most of the time I know when he is upset or angry. I just feel like I'm being given false advice and it really isn't helping. Is there any help?
If you knew someone that was colour blind you would not try to get them to see the difference between read and blue would you? You could explain that there is a thing called colour and you can explain that some things are red and somethings are blue but you wouldn't patiently wait for him to see it for himself. ASD is a bit like that - we are blind to some things that other people can see. He can try and be aware that he has to be careful about what he says but you have to interpret what he says differently too.
It can be a big shock to discover that one is not the same as other people. I never knew that there was a difference until I was 56. Over a year later I still get confused and struggle to make sense of it. Equally, for you it is a big shock to discover that someone is findamentally different in a way that you never imagined. You have to give yourselves some allowance for the new situation, you both find yourselves in, and try and adjust your expectations.