Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, I live with my partner who has aspergers he was diagnosed almost 2 years ago and he's 30. He hasn't had or been offered any support and althought Iv messaged verious people that shoul be able to help involving autism including the people who diagnosed him iv had no replys or iv had promises of being contacted and still nothing. I just wish there was some help.. Anything. My partner has a community service worker he talks to once a month, she has a son with aspergers... She claims to understand yet tells him he should go to the doctors for depression tablets... An tells him to do things she full well knows he just won't/can't do.. She also said to him I should be able to tell what he's feeling automatically even when he doesn't show it because after you have been around someone with aspergers for so many years you just know- which didn't go down well with him because then he started to be against me. Im not sure if she's right or not prehaps she is... I just dont think she's helping in anyway- I tried to point out that perhaps a mother son connections helps her, but he's still angry at me because now I'm supose to magically know everything. I try and most of the time I know when he is upset or angry. I just feel like I'm being given false advice and it really isn't helping. Is there any help?
Reading these comments I can relate and understand both of your points. I understand wiserladys point of view when it comes to sex and the dynamics of a typical relationship we all crave attention an expect a certain amount of sexual intimacy to make a relationship satisfying. But one thing I have learnt living with someone with Aspergers syndrome is that almost every relationship rule and concept goes out of the window im afraid, im not implying people with aspergers are not capable of a satisfying relationship but the basic things we expect from relationships have to be rewritten.
I cherish the relationship I am in, its unlike no other its special because he's special. My partner has admitted since knowing me its like he has in his words 'woken up' he is discovering he can feel and he can learn to express those feelings in his own ways it just needs time. I understand not everyone has time nor would a 60 year old man want to spend his time trying to wrap his head around something like that. Being diagnosed did not affect my partner in anyway, it did not help him it just gave him a excuse. I knew long before he was diagnosed to.
I also understand codgers points in that your partner is who he is, and accepting that is a weight off your shoulders but for that to happen maybe he would have to accept who you think he is, no change can happen if both don't know the truth. Iv read many articles and spent so much time talking, counseling my partner wanting to know why he thinks the way he does, I don't claim to know everything I just know that if you choose to be with someone knowing they have aspergers you have to learn to accept them even if you don't feel loved by them, they deserve to be loved.
I Hope you all have a good day :)