Published on 12, July, 2020
Drs and Social services are involved, but school is not helping!!
I have a child who is very difficult. I firmly believe he has autism, as he has difficulty in understanding other peoples emotions as well as his own. He cant connect Action and Concequence and has very stange behaviours like digging up dead pets to look at them or wiping dog muck in the mens toilets at the pub, he has no sense of danger, will happily open a child proofed window and hanf out of it.... I am unable to leave him alone for any amount of time for fear that he will do something stupid.
He struggles in social situations, struggles to make friends, doesnt want to play anyone elses games but wants to play his own.I have locks on all the doors in the house - Livingroom because kept going in at 4 in the morning to watch tv, drawing on the tv, messing with things that are not his - watching things that are not appropriate. The kitchen is locked because he goes in to steal sweeties, crips and cakes (as well as take and play with knives and other things that he shouldnt be touching) my bedroom because he messes with things that do not belong to him and took adult themed books from my bedroom to read (you might not think thats a lot, but if your asked not to do something and repeatedly do it, despite being punished, over and over and over and over again surely thats a problem?)There has been a long list of problems that where picked up by professionals the minute he started nursry at 2 years old. Since this this time have repeatedly been to the doctors to try to get him professionally assessed. From rubbing his hands in someone elses sick, to taking all his clothes off in a soft play area and running naked through the place.......My son is 7 years old. He ran away from home recently, got on the tram, and bus and went to his aunties...... a 45 minute journey away...... all because he didnt want to sit on his bed because of an action that he did that wasnt right.He then told the his school that his dad was beating him and that was the reason he ran away, which the school took to heart and reported to social services. - this was all untrue.My son lies constantly...... to either get himself out of trouble or to get someone else into trouble so that he gets out of trouble. He has no thought to how that makes other people look or feel. Even things like - having a poo and not flushing the toilet - you know its him, he knows its him but he wont just say "oh yes, sorry i forgot" its made into a big thing then he is punished for lying!Social services and now involved and are treating us like we are evil scum of the earth - - - but where where they 5 years ago when i WAS TELLING healthcare professionals that there was a problem with his behaviour? Why has it got to this for them to give us some help and support?
I have so many unanswered questions - I just want him to be happy.... I just want to be happy.... i want life to be peaceful and happy!I cant cope with his behavior as well as chastisement by the school - Every day they have something to say about his behaviour or his work.... and most the time its bull! because they are not supporting him in the right way!!! and he finds it so hard to express his emotions... so just has a meltdown.
Im terrified of what is going to happen. My relationship in on the rocks because of it.... my partners daughter doesnt want to come to see us because of the way my son treats her, the way hes nasty to here, the fact that when shes here my son gets that jealous that he plays ups and is vile so that he can have all the attention - even if it is negative, to the point that my partners daughter pushed out or upset. I cant cope, I am not coping................i am treated with such disprespect by my son, despite trying to teach him to do the right thing, or speak in the right way or to act nicely...... "Get your shoes on please J" No... no no no no no no ...... Just blatant disrespect!I dont know what to do anymore. Social services are "trying" (by coming here and pointing the finger at us) to help but it isnt comring quick enough - I need a diagnosis so I can be supported to support j in the right way.Everybody blames me - but its not me its my son, its his behaviour.... but yet because hes a child he can do no wrong and must be seen as the victim - Hes not! We are. We are a victim of his behaviour. My life is falling apart and I cant stop it. I cant deal with it, I cant stop worring or stressing about it..... J doesnt care that I cry, j doesnt care i dont sleep, j doesnt care!..... and it feels like the only person he does care about is himself and what he wants to do. I love him, I love him more that anything but i resent him, because of his behaviour, because he doesnt learn, because he doesnt care............... and that makes me feel like such a bad mother and evil person.Im depressed because i am not recieving any support from the proper services...........
Whats your opinion..... am i describing autism? a spectrum of autism..... ADD...... is there even something wrong?
I was thinking about you yesterday evening and am concerned that you seem to be nearing family break down with your son. Believe me, I have been there and although this isn't your fault, only you and your husband can break the cycle.
Diagnosis or no diagnosis you know that your child has enormous challenges and that they impact on you and the rest of the family. With a child with autism (and lets assume he does have it) it really helps if you can turn your ideas about parenting on their head and start to think and react differently. Yes an autistic child can be wilful and badly behaved but if your understanding of the world is skewed its not surprising that you can't conform to what other people see as 'normal' behaviour. I decided long ago that the only way I was going to survive all this was to divert my anger at the autism not at my grandson. Getting angry at him, punishing him, raising your voice, becoming overly stressed yourself won't help or encourage your son to do what you want. Its like asking a child with legs that wont carry them to get up and walk. We have gained an acceptance about the ASD now..even though i think its a cruel condition, and we accept that the behaviours our grandson shows are part of it so while we are trying to teach him to recognize certain situations and what he should do when confronted with them, we also make sure that he is protected and supervised all the time and that involves, like you, locking doors as we move around the house. Its a hard hard road as I am sure others on this site will tell you but massively rewarding at the same time.