Published on 12, July, 2020
So, hello.
I am a single father to four lovely children. My wife and I separated last July and the children live with me.
My oldest boy is 13 and got his diagnosis of "on the cusp of" Aspergers, around a year ago We are about to go through the assessment process all over again because I don't think his school is taking the "on the cusp" bit that seriously. He seems to get into a lot of trouble for being disorganised, distracted, not always knowing when to stop messing about etc. Since his mum left and all the fighting has stopped at home, he seems to have become a lot more steady. My relationship with him is very good (mostly); I am his most trusted person in the world.
My youngest boy is 8 and is really really 'bouncy'. I have just started the assessment process for him. Initially, I thought there was likely to be something ADHD-ish about him, but more recently, he has taken to flashing with anger, switching off, or putting his hands over his ears and curling up into a ball, when things aren't working for him, or he can't make himself understood. I'm no expert, by any stretch of the imagination, but there is something that just 'feels' like ASD. Hopefully, the referral will put a real expert in front of me, who will be able to point me in the right direction.
I have another 12 year old boy and a 7 year old girl; both pretty NT. It's hard work. I work full time and am a full time father and two of my children have additional needs and I am in the middle of a divorce. I'm not complaining; just acknowledging that it's tough. These are the cards I've been dealt and I wouldn't change anything; I've got my kids, my health and my sanity (mostly) ...what more could a man want.
Oh yeah, my ex-wife is possibly undiagnosed Aspergers as well, which I guess I didn't realise until too late . No regrets though. Things are better the way they are.
I'm good at being a dad and the children are very happy. I'm not really fishing for lots of advice, or tea and sympathy. I speak to a counsellor once a week, who specialises in AS in both adolsecents and adults. BUT, I don't get out much and I miss adult company and having someone to bounce ideas off. So I thought I would sign up and perhaps just hang around here sometimes.
Yeah, apparently, I talk (and write) too much.
TeeHee. Please don't give it a second thought. Have now worked out how to look at peoples profiles. I too work in IT. Hmmm, IT and ASD, I wonder how often those two go together (it's not so much bluntness with me. It's more innapropriate or ill-timed humour that gets me into trouble).
Yeah, my tendency towards self blame and low self esteem was fuelled by the whole breakup, which is why I chose a counsellor who specialised in AS. I needed to try and work out how much was really my fault, whether any of it might have been about ASD and also try to understand her a bit better (without hating her or feeling the need to help her). I'm getting there ...slowly. There's probably a lot we both could have done diffrently, but neither of us really knew what we were up against. C'est la vie. Like I said, no regrets. All credit to you and your other half for spotting it and getting the diagnosis.
No, my problem is more that I am over stressed and turning into a grumpy old man. Had children when I was reasonably mature, so I qualify, as a quinquagenarian ...but kids are too young for me to go fully into grumpy old man mode ...yet!
Look forward to chatting on the boards