Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello everyone. I've just joined this forum because I feel like I have nowhere left to turn. I have a 9 year old boy with ASD. Me and my husband have been through the last four years trying to get him diagnosed, as... well, you all have been there, you know when something doesn't feel right, right? I mean you name it, we've tried it, and nothing seemed to be working as regards discipline/rules/structure. We've been through the 1-2-3 Magic course twice, bought the book, etc...
So we got an official diagnosis last year. And since then... Well, things have gone from bad to worse. Despite both us parents and one of his grandparents going on the course, and they are both aware of his diagnosis, it feels like I'm the only one prepared to do anything. I'm sticking to the 1-2-3 thing, cause he needs some rules in his life, right? But my husband has basically given up, saying it doesn't work (it does when you do it right) My parents in law have said it's a load of rubbish, and this is what happens to kids if you don't smack them, and that it's my fault he's like he is because I do these "stupid silly courses that don't work" (their exact words).
Last night came to a head with all three of them shouting at once at him (my husband has a history of losing his temper frequently with my son), and whatever I was saying was being ignored or shouted down. :(
I'm sorry this is a long introduction, and I know you all have your own problems with your own situations, but I feel as if I have nowhere left to turn. I need someone to talk to and to help. I cannot go out on my own anymore, even if just for a couple of hours, because I'm afraid of what situation I'll find when I get home. I don't want to resort to smacking my child (long story) but I need help.
Hi, i feel really quite sorry for your Son You also i must say. I'm trying to think of words that arn't to hash for your other half and in laws but I'm struggling, absolute ignorance and ignorance in alot of cases = stupidity 'this being one'? They think your sons ASD can be delt with by a smack or shouting at him this will make him worse.
From what i've read 'thank God your Son has you' it maybe be difficult to give your son any comfort through, discipline/rules/structure if your partner and parents have that sort of attitude, your sons bound to feel uneasy and be upset and be able to pick up on any bad feeling.
As a 9 yr old he won't understand and be able to explain a great deal of what he feels, the discomforts that he has and they will in alot of cases manifest themselves into difficult behaviour.
As crystal12 mentioned see your GP,Social Worked if you have one, try Local Community centre ask them for advice.
All the best, if you write more about your Son his behaviour, likes dislikes and hobbies members of the Forum may be able to offer you abit more advice, best of luck and kind reguards Steven.
Hi, sorry to hear how amazingly unhelpful your family are being. It sounds like they don't really accept the diagnosis and/or can't be bothered to put the effort in. It's interesting that it's your husband's parents siding with him or him siding with them. They are trying to relate to him as a non autistic person + as we know, that just won't work. Their heads are deliberately in the sand. Also some of the things they are doing amount to abuse. You're the only person he's got who understands. I feel for both of you. Things will be difficult enough without them making it worse. How is your son at school - is he getting the support he needs there? Sometimes a professional can have more impact on family who are unwilling to change their ways. By this I mean a psych or GP....someone with a "serious job title". Have you got a social worker? If so, would the sw be able to help at all? In the end something has to give here + it shouldn't be at the expense of your son or yourself. They've got to play their part or at least not interfere. Check out info on the home page in case there's anything useful there. Also consider ringing the nas helpline. I understand sometimes there;s an ansaphone but that somebody will get back to you - how soon depends on demand for advice. Keep in touch with us all here. I'm sure others will be along to post.