Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm a little anxious writing this as I'm undiagnosed but am more and more sure as time goes by that I have Aspergers. I'm hoping to be able to share experiences with others to find some clarity!
A bit of background - I've always swung from thinking either I'm a little crazy or everyone else is! I have never really fit in anywhere, even my own family, and struggle socially. I get really nervous about trips/holidays/meetings if they are in a new place and hate meeting new people. I have a few friends through work and a close friend who accepts that I am a little "different". e.g I didn't go on her hen do as it was out of town.
i always thought that everybody thought like me but hid it well because they were stronger mentally and that I was weak. My mind is constantly buzzing and I can only liken this to a spaghetti junction. I am oversensitive to noise and struggle to be polite if I'm interrupted in a train of thought. I'm also quite obsessive over different topics until I know all about it/ get near the end of a project and then lose interest. I always have to doing something like reading as its often the only way to calm my thoughts and focus on one thing.
however, the strange thing is I'm not always like this in my job as s teacher. In the classroom, I am much more confident and can interact with the children and come up with ideas more spontaneously. On the other hand, I annoy my partner teacher when planning though as I have to reaearch lots of ideas and map out the whole learning journey before beginning. Everything always has to be perfect or the best. I also spend weeks agonising over scho trips/visitors etc.
I also have a husband and a five year old but struggle to feel strong emotions. when I say certain things it's more of a cognitive response than an emotional one as I have to push myself to comment or ask about them. I know it's the "right" thing to do so I do it because I don't want to upset them. Most of the time I'm caught up in my own thoughts and I'm happy to do this. I prefer being on my own actually Which makes me feel really guilty.
I recently read a brilliant book called House Ruses by Jodi Piccolt and it really helped to open my mind to the possibility of Aspergers.
sorry for rambling - it's nice to finally find a place where I can be honest as I don't talk about this with anyone else.
Thank you to anyone who reads this. I look forward to meeting people.
L x
Thank you for your reply. I will take a look at the link. I'm glad you can take solace in the forums too. It's already helping me to understand my self just by looking at other peoples comments.
Hi Louse I don't feel that you should be anxious about being undiagnosed if you feel you have a problem and it has lead you to hear and you can empithises with some of the posts on here, it can only be a positive.
This is my second post and reading though my first which was long, confusded and no doubt difficult to empitise with and understand recombinantsocks was the only person to reply 'thank you'. I'm sure that you have arrived at the wright place, somewhere you can read and research, ask questions at a distance and try to understand without it impacting on day to day life.
ttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eHU_ip_bI9g
This has been imformative to me and despite it having noting to do with ASD it explains logical patterns to human behaviour which personally found helpful and then appliy ASD to these types.
Hope to here more posts from you as i really like opinions on different subjects, i personally think you should be proud as i bet you are no doubt offering a logical and sensable education to the Children you Teach and you must be good or your Head Teacher would not back you. all the best Steven
That's funny - I downloaded the Tony Attwood book onto my kindle a few nights agI! I would agree that I have strong coping strategies. I have to think very carefully about what I say to people and constantly analyse every interaction afterwards. I know I'm often staring at people but I think in watching their reactions and behaviours and I mimic that. I know that once I start something, I have to do a thorough job of it so have learned not to start things to save my sanity!
I suffered with depression and anxiety about 8 years ago and had cbt which helped a little but looking back now, I think I'd become overwhelmed by my thought processes more than an environmental issue. im also lucky that my headteacher is aware of my 'quirks' and is very understanding. I'm not sure if I will see about a diagnosis as yet. I'm not sure that a label would improve the quality of my life and I worry that I would panic that i cant change it - I have a compulsion to find a solution to problems! However it would be nice to start accepting myself, stop second guessing everything I do and start to build a little self-confidence. I will definitely stick around here though.
Thank you so much for your responses. It's so fantastic to feel as though someone understands as I often worry people will just dismiss my concerns. Do you have similar traits and experiences?
That score agrees with your suspicions and agrees with the picture painted by your first post so you would probably get a diagnosis if you went to a specialist. You don't sound as though you have too many problems though so it doesn't sound as though that would be necessary. Am I jumping to conclusions though?
I often recommend a book by Valerie Gaus, Living Well on the Spectrum which is a self help book for adults. I'm not sure whether you would find it useful though. You seem much more sorted than a lot of people who come on the forum. The book does promote a positive approach to the differences that we have and it gives some practical tips on things to do. I found it useful when I first had suspicions - mainly it helped me get a positive attitude and that has been useful.
The other book that I would definitely recommend is Tony Attwoods complete guide to Aspergers Syndrome. This is more about school and childhood than adult life but it describes a lot of the thinking differences and behavioural stuff. I'm reading it now and it reminds me of things I did when I was little (50 years ago) and it is relevant to building the understanding of why we are different. You are also likely to come across pupils on the spectrum so it may help you there too?
Do stick around the forum, it would be good if there were more people who cope better with the disorder to help those that are struggling.
Thank you for your comment. I have taken the test and scored a 38 which sets my mind at rest. Thanks for pointing me in the direction of the test.
Hi and welcome to the forum!
Your story does sound very ASD so I think you may have come to the right place. You aren't the first teacher to post on the site.
Have you tried the self test at aspergerstest.net/.../ ?