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Hello and why are words so difficult

Freya-fs

Hi all

I am new, late diagnosed and have totally underestimated the impact of the diagnosis. A friend said to me a few months ago "I think I am autistic and I think you might be too". I have been through burnout in the last 2 years due to work related problems, a lot of gaslighting by junior colleagues and finally a grievance. I had asked for help from my line managers. Lot's of "sure we help you, but we can't do that". It was very very hard. I worked through it at my own expense (private counselling) and a lot of sheer will. When my friend mentioned autism I thought, if I had a diagnosis there would be something like leverage, if I needed help again in the future.

Now I have the diagnosis and I am lost... It is so much to learn. So much to understand. I feel I need help to understand, it is draining my energy, at the same time I am unable to put it into words. I can't say: I am autistic. I can write it, but I can't say it.

All my life (I am 47) there was this glimmer of hope, if I just learned more, worked harder I will be able to be ... A good communicator... A good leader... A good friend...etc. Now, it feels like I like a no. All that hard work, all that energy I put in...  I cause harm to myself by trying but will never get there... Inherently and in my environment, I will probably never get there.

Although, I get that this is wrongly striving to be neuro typical, it just feels like a loss.

I am trying to move on but find it difficult.

Any advice?

Parents

  • HI and welcome.

    Like Oscar, I was diagnosed recently and I'm in my 70s. I'm still coming to terms with it. It's made me realise I may not make any more new friends and to value the ones I have, as I can't think of any social situations I can face which might put me in a position to meet new people. That's a big deal for me.

    I don't know whether that's the sort of thing you mean by 'good communicator' or you're experiencing something else. Whatever it is, can I suggest you give yourself a little longer to let things settle? Like many of us, I can't always work out what what I'm experiencing quickly (check out alexithymia). It's not so much (for me) identifying emotions as drawing conclusions from them. That takes me time. It's no wonder so many of us are knocked for six after a diagnosis and feel helpless.

    Give yourself time.


Reply

  • HI and welcome.

    Like Oscar, I was diagnosed recently and I'm in my 70s. I'm still coming to terms with it. It's made me realise I may not make any more new friends and to value the ones I have, as I can't think of any social situations I can face which might put me in a position to meet new people. That's a big deal for me.

    I don't know whether that's the sort of thing you mean by 'good communicator' or you're experiencing something else. Whatever it is, can I suggest you give yourself a little longer to let things settle? Like many of us, I can't always work out what what I'm experiencing quickly (check out alexithymia). It's not so much (for me) identifying emotions as drawing conclusions from them. That takes me time. It's no wonder so many of us are knocked for six after a diagnosis and feel helpless.

    Give yourself time.


Children
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