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Hello and why are words so difficult

Freya-fs

Hi all

I am new, late diagnosed and have totally underestimated the impact of the diagnosis. A friend said to me a few months ago "I think I am autistic and I think you might be too". I have been through burnout in the last 2 years due to work related problems, a lot of gaslighting by junior colleagues and finally a grievance. I had asked for help from my line managers. Lot's of "sure we help you, but we can't do that". It was very very hard. I worked through it at my own expense (private counselling) and a lot of sheer will. When my friend mentioned autism I thought, if I had a diagnosis there would be something like leverage, if I needed help again in the future.

Now I have the diagnosis and I am lost... It is so much to learn. So much to understand. I feel I need help to understand, it is draining my energy, at the same time I am unable to put it into words. I can't say: I am autistic. I can write it, but I can't say it.

All my life (I am 47) there was this glimmer of hope, if I just learned more, worked harder I will be able to be ... A good communicator... A good leader... A good friend...etc. Now, it feels like I like a no. All that hard work, all that energy I put in...  I cause harm to myself by trying but will never get there... Inherently and in my environment, I will probably never get there.

Although, I get that this is wrongly striving to be neuro typical, it just feels like a loss.

I am trying to move on but find it difficult.

Any advice?

  • HI and welcome.

    Like Oscar, I was diagnosed recently and I'm in my 70s. I'm still coming to terms with it. It's made me realise I may not make any more new friends and to value the ones I have, as I can't think of any social situations I can face which might put me in a position to meet new people. That's a big deal for me.

    I don't know whether that's the sort of thing you mean by 'good communicator' or you're experiencing something else. Whatever it is, can I suggest you give yourself a little longer to let things settle? Like many of us, I can't always work out what what I'm experiencing quickly (check out alexithymia). It's not so much (for me) identifying emotions as drawing conclusions from them. That takes me time. It's no wonder so many of us are knocked for six after a diagnosis and feel helpless.

    Give yourself time.


  • I am sorry to hear of your experiences after your autism diagnosis. I am in my 70s and diagnosed only this year. 

    It have taken me several months to get to grips with "being" autistic. It is quite common for people to have some negative feelings post-assessment.  So, although I was very pleased to have the explanation of much my quirky behaviour and life erratic experiences it still took time to accept the connection to autism. 

    Speaking for only myself it has taken me several weeks to accept my diagnosis. This happened piecemeal and not like a bolt from the blue. For me, I had to reconcile the past, the lack of a career, associated wages and financial stability, short terms of employment, several burnouts, bouts of clinical depression, etc. etc. I discovered that, as nothing could actually be changed, it really wasn't that important now I knew the reason. So, I have accepted the past. For me, the important thing about this acceptance is that I am much happier and far more connected than I used to be. 

    Next, for me, was my autistic future.  This was quite the opposite to acceptance, as it was a completely blank page. So, I would have to decide what I wanted.  Me joining this site is a good example, I had never joined anything like this before. So, for me there are now new and different life experiences.     

    So, all the above can probably be summarised in post-diagnosis guidance often mentioned here - take your time and be kind to yourself.  

    Best wishes,
    Oscar