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Late diagnosis in early 20s

Cico81

Hi all,

im new here, I was diagnosed with autism a few days ago and I don’t know how to feel. I feel very overwhelmed and alone. I feel like no one understands me yet im surrounded by love of family and my partner. 
I’ve never been good at friendships. I’ve learned that I have been ‘masking’ for a lot of my life which has lead up to a big burnout where I’m not working, and worried for my future and judgement from society. 
I feel very alone and scared, I don’t know what happens now, I will have a GP appointment soon on how to go from here but does anyone have any advice? 
does the acceptance get easier? I was hoping for relief but I’ve gotten the opposite:(

please can I have some advice,

from a very lonely 20 something year old x

Parents

  • Hi Cico81 - congratulations on your diagnosis and welcome to the community.

    There are plenty of late-diagnosed and late-realised autistic people here, so you’re in good company!

    As for many others, my diagnosis turned out to be the start of a new journey of learning and adapting. I'd suggest taking extra care to be patient to, and kind with, yourself - and to take your time with processing everything. It can be normal to experience a lot of emotional dysregulation after a diagnosis. The NAS has a great set of articles on "after diagnosis", including one that covers how you might feel during the coming days / weeks / months. You might find them helpful as a starting point:

    NAS - How will I feel after receiving an autism diagnosis - includes perspectives from other autistic people

    NAS - After diagnosis - including:

    • Talking about and disclosing your autism diagnosis
    • Emotional support for family members after a diagnosis
    • Formal support following an autism diagnosis
    • What can I do if formal support is not offered or is not enough

    These might also be helpful:

    NAS - Autistic fatigue and burnout

    NAS Professional Practice - Understanding autistic burnout

    NAS - Seeking help with mental health

    Therapy or counselling are often recommended after a diagnosis, as a follow up action for your GP to arrange. If you prefer, depending on where you are in the UK, you might instead be able to self refer for talking therapy on the NHS. 

    Before arranging anything you might find it helpful to borrow or buy this book, which includes discussion of various types of therapy and counselling, together with advice on choosing the right therapist or counsellor - all from an autistic person's viewpoint. Several of us here have found it very helpful:

    The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy

    Finally, I'll just mention a couple of books that I and others have found helpful early on in our post-diagnosis journeys:

    Self-Care for Autistic People: 100+ Ways to Recharge, De-Stress, and Unmask!

    How to Be Autistic (free download currently available via this page)

  • in reply to Bunny

    Thank you bunny, 

    I will definitely do some reading and have a look at the books you have suggested! I’m a big reader so this will definitely help. I’m trying to learn how to be kind and give myself some grace and care but it feels hard as a lot of my life I like to make sure others are supported, loved, cared for and seen. As I know what it’s like to not have those at times, and now that I need it it feels oldly overwhelming and scary as I’ve never given myself that. 

    I start therapy in December which will help do you think I will need to notify the talking therapy’s of my diagnosis so they can give me the right treatment? 

    thanks for the support x

Reply
  • in reply to Bunny

    Thank you bunny, 

    I will definitely do some reading and have a look at the books you have suggested! I’m a big reader so this will definitely help. I’m trying to learn how to be kind and give myself some grace and care but it feels hard as a lot of my life I like to make sure others are supported, loved, cared for and seen. As I know what it’s like to not have those at times, and now that I need it it feels oldly overwhelming and scary as I’ve never given myself that. 

    I start therapy in December which will help do you think I will need to notify the talking therapy’s of my diagnosis so they can give me the right treatment? 

    thanks for the support x

Children
  • in reply to Bunny

    Thank you so much for the info!!!

  • in reply to Cico81

    You're most welcome! Blush

    Cico81 said:
    do you think I will need to notify the talking therapy’s of my diagnosis so they can give me the right treatment? 

    One of the areas covered in the therapy-related book that I suggested above is how we can benefit from  adjustments to therapy to accommodate our autistic traits and needs. 

    This is reflected in the NAS's advice:

    "Before you begin any therapy, ask the therapist if they have experience of working with autistic people so that you know they are likely to adapt the way they work to meet your needs."

    NAS - Seeking help with mental health

    I chose counselling rather than therapy, and - having read that book beforehand - requested a counsellor with experience of helping autistic people. Thankfully, they were able to do that and my counselling proved very helpful (including discussing some shared experiences, as my counsellor was also neurodivergent).