Hi, everyone. This is my first post here. I'm hoping that this community will give me ideas on how to approach life, knowing that I am probably autistic, having only worked this out in my early sixties.
I am happily married and have 2 adult children. Last year I had what I suspect was an autistic meltdown during a house party at our home. My wife insisted that I had therapy to deal with anger issues (I am not generally an angry person, but I can certainly surprise everyone with a proper tantrum every year or so).
I had 6 therapy sessions. I picked a therapist who specialised in neuro divergence because I had increasingly suspected I might be “on the spectrum”. She wasn't much help; I talked a lot but didn't get any answers I hadn't already come up with myself.
At the end of session 5, out of the blue, she pointed me at the Embrace Autism website and said that I might find something helpful there! She promptly took a few weeks off.
I did a few tests. To summarise, I was showing fairly strong autistic characteristics, mainly language, social-relatedness, special interests and assimilation.
Without anyone to ask, I took to Google. Things started to dawn on me. Past events made more sense. I realised why I was the girl-shy nerd at school. I realised why I struggle to make good friends on my own. I realised why I stressed about weird things and had some superhuman sense of justice and fair play.
Then I started to feel sad. The more research I did, the more I felt broken. So I stopped. That was a year ago.
The positives I have gained are that I now have an excuse for occasional “bad behaviour”, and can better prepare for difficult times.
The negatives are that I still can't deal with people any better, my social life hasn't improved, I still get frustrated and I still annoy the hell out of my wife when I go wrong. At least now she knows there is a reason for it, but it doesn't make it any easier.
I just read a book on autism written by a comedian. It’s an interesting read, but I feel like I'm falling into the pit of doom again, so I decided to come here.
Sorry, this is all a bit serious. I'm actually a good laugh when you meet me.
