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The penny drops, but what now?

RocketScientist

Hi, everyone. This is my first post here. I'm hoping that this community will give me ideas on how to approach life, knowing that I am probably autistic, having only worked this out in my early sixties.

I am happily married and have 2 adult children. Last year I had what I suspect was an autistic meltdown during a house party at our home. My wife insisted that I had therapy to deal with anger issues (I am not generally an angry person, but I can certainly surprise everyone with a proper tantrum every year or so).

I had 6 therapy sessions. I picked a therapist who specialised in neuro divergence because I had increasingly suspected I might be “on the spectrum”. She wasn't much help; I talked a lot but didn't get any answers I hadn't already come up with myself.

At the end of session 5, out of the blue, she pointed me at the Embrace Autism website and said that I might find something helpful there! She promptly took a few weeks off.

I did a few tests. To summarise, I was showing fairly strong autistic characteristics, mainly language, social-relatedness, special interests and assimilation.

Without anyone to ask, I took to Google. Things started to dawn on me. Past events made more sense. I realised why I was the girl-shy nerd at school. I realised why I struggle to make good friends on my own. I realised why I stressed about weird things and had some superhuman sense of justice and fair play.

Then I started to feel sad. The more research I did, the more I felt broken. So I stopped. That was a year ago.

The positives I have gained are that I now have an excuse for occasional “bad behaviour”, and can better prepare for difficult times.

The negatives are that I still can't deal with people any better, my social life hasn't improved, I still get frustrated and I still annoy the hell out of my wife when I go wrong. At least now she knows there is a reason for it, but it doesn't make it any easier.

I just read a book on autism written by a comedian. It’s an interesting read, but I feel like I'm falling into the pit of doom again, so I decided to come here.

Sorry, this is all a bit serious. I'm actually a good laugh when you meet me.

Parents

  • Good afternoon from America, RocketScientist!

    RocketScientist said:
    I still get frustrated and I still annoy the hell out of my wife when I go wrong. At least now she knows there is a reason for it, but it doesn't make it any easier.

    So one thing that has really helped me - and I hope this will eventually help my daughter, too - is changing the perception from Autism being an “excuse” to being an “explanation.” In other words, yes, I tend to be anti-social at family gatherings and hide from others. Autism explains why I do that; It’s overload. However, I do not allow that to define me by actively trying to be anti-social at every gathering. I try my best to not be anti-social, but if I absolutely need to be I allow myself the space. That way Autism explains why it happens, but I am not doing it solely because I’m using the condition as an excuse to get my way.

    (Note: Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that you specifically are using Autism as an excuse to do whatever you want. However, I have seen horror stories of people taking the idea of it being an excuse to extreme lengths (ex. Chris-Chan’s infamous spiral into believing she is a goddess while in prison. Don’t look that story up btw lol))

    It’s a subtle difference in perception, but that difference has the potential to transform the Autism from a severe impediment that prevents you from living a “normal” life to just an alternate way of living and/or thinking.

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  • Good afternoon from America, RocketScientist!

    RocketScientist said:
    I still get frustrated and I still annoy the hell out of my wife when I go wrong. At least now she knows there is a reason for it, but it doesn't make it any easier.

    So one thing that has really helped me - and I hope this will eventually help my daughter, too - is changing the perception from Autism being an “excuse” to being an “explanation.” In other words, yes, I tend to be anti-social at family gatherings and hide from others. Autism explains why I do that; It’s overload. However, I do not allow that to define me by actively trying to be anti-social at every gathering. I try my best to not be anti-social, but if I absolutely need to be I allow myself the space. That way Autism explains why it happens, but I am not doing it solely because I’m using the condition as an excuse to get my way.

    (Note: Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that you specifically are using Autism as an excuse to do whatever you want. However, I have seen horror stories of people taking the idea of it being an excuse to extreme lengths (ex. Chris-Chan’s infamous spiral into believing she is a goddess while in prison. Don’t look that story up btw lol))

    It’s a subtle difference in perception, but that difference has the potential to transform the Autism from a severe impediment that prevents you from living a “normal” life to just an alternate way of living and/or thinking.

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