Struggling

Hi Ryan,

Sorry, I've been away from my computer these last several days.  Living in Spain as a foreigner means that the authorities need us to to form fill at regular intervals.  This week, yesterday actually, I had to travel to Seville (the capital of Andalusia) to complete my application for permanent residence status, and now I have my new, valid for ten years, ID card!  

Other things that sneak up on us 'oldies' are dental visits.  It seems I spend more time in dentists' chairs these days than I ever did as a whipersnapper!  That and traipsing to see the doctor- well, traipse is too strong, as the surgery is less than a five-minute walk from home, but you get my drift.

Today is the only day this week when I have nothing booked, so I took advantage- well, my body did, in that it refused to acknowledge daylight, and I snoozed on till half past ten this morning.  Very welcome it was too.

So, again I'm sorry to have been unavailable after saying that it would be good to chat.  Feel free to reach out and give my backside a virtual kicking.  

I just wanted to say that your comment hurt me a little too when I read it. I do understand you were trying to look out for Ryan and were concerned about people sharing personal information. I think it just felt quite difficult to read, especially knowing how hard it can be for some people to share things in the first place. I know you’ve said you feel bad about it, and I don’t think you meant to upset anyone.

Anyway Robert I think we should leave it there, I'm not sure calling making people feel unwelcome as a "superpower" I'm sorry to hear about your problems, but taking them out on others isn't the answer. I won't be returning to this thread.

Sorry to hear about all this.  My 'Superpower' is upsetting people unintentionally,  and not just you.

I then feel a great deal of guilt and remorse.

​Hi Marianne, I found your comment unnecessarily negative and unwelcoming. I never shared my last name, gender, or exact location, so being personally targeted and accused of oversharing in my post feels completely unwarranted. Given that there are likely thousands Ryan's aged 41 in a city as large as Manchester, your reaction was unfair. As a result, I no longer feel comfortable participating in this thread where youself and another user called, Robert above,  decided on an unnecessary pile on for no reason.

Firstly Robert, and I am saying this because of your previous negative comments made towards me, day trips are not an option for me. Due to lack of mobility and severe sensory processing issues, traveling to new or unfamiliar places creates a lot of physical strain and sensory overload for me as i explained. Recommending travel ignores the physical and environmental barriers I navigate every day.

​Second, "just talking to strangers" isn't a simple fix when you are non-verbal and communicate differently. Suggesting that someone who is mute should simply strike up casual conversations with random people overlooks my accessibility and the realities i face being of non-verbal communication.

​Finally, pushing past severe sensory triggers and physical mobility barriers isn't a matter of "looking on the bright side." True accessibility means finding connections and solutions that respect a person's physical boundaries, sensory needs, and communication method, and not forcing myself into overwhelming environments I am unable to cope with.

Ok, I'm sorry, but being autistic I can be very blunt and just stick to the facts.

I do feel empathy for you because I have similar problems. I live in a flat where my neighbours don't speak to me because they consider me a weirdo.  My family only invite me at christmas because it's a socially expected chore.  My school days were a nightmare and I didn't make any friends.

I only leave the flat to go shopping and on day trips to explore new places.

My advice is go on day trips either alone or on organised ones and try talking to strangers.  If you do mess up conversations look on the bright side you probably never see these people again.

It didn't feel kind.

The rules are there to protect you and your identity.

If I offended you. I apologise. But I was being cruel to be kind.

I felt this to be a very negative comment that played on my mind. I never used my location in Manchester, my last name, or my gender, so I feel this is a very unwelcome comment, so do not feel welcome here, so won't be using this online forum after this. Its the fact you had nothing else to post but attack me and accuse my post of including detail. How many Ryan's live in Manchester aged 41 do you think there are, it's possibly 1000s?

I reiterate this - this chat is online and available publicly, so it's important not to identify yourself or others.

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Any time you like Ryan. 

A word of caution: I know how my brain gets me wound up when things don't happen as I expect, and I don't want you to get the idea that something is wrong.  Although I am retired and therefore rich in time, don't be alarmed if I don't respond quickly.  Today, for instance, I have to go out soon and return some stuff and then go to the dentist (one of my least favourite things!), so I will be absent for a while.  And my energy drops through the day, so you are most likely to 'see' me during the middle part of the day.  Later I tend to slow up and go and watch an old movie or some TV 'Who Done It'.

So, I look forward to chatting, but it will likely be disjointed as life and energy dictate when I am able to do so.

Thank you for your kind reply. It is true how different autism can be for everyone. I’d definitely be up for chatting about classic movies, noir, and old computers whenever you like. Take care.

Thank you for your kind links.

Hello Ryan,

And welcome.  It's all very new for me also; my diagnosis was only a few weeks ago.

From what you describe, I can only sympathise; my autism is so different from yours.  And that's the thing: we are all unique!  That would seem an obstacle to you I suspect, given your need for understanding and time to feel safe.  But I do think that in time, that obstacle could also be a strength as you (we?) learn and grow in our discovery of who we are and how to be part of a diverse group.

You mentioned, replying to Oscar, that you liked old movies; welcome to my world.    The early noir movies especially are a firm favourite of mine.  I see you have an interest in the early PC's; my experience was with the Acorn Electron and Archimedes machines, such clever devices that packed a lot into limited systems.  And cameras?  My hobby is photography.  I have several cameras that I use regularly, though they are now too heavy for me to use for long periods, so I am fortunate to have a small studio where I make still life pictures, and the camera sits on a tripod.  So, if you don't mind me prattling on about old films and cameras, then hit me up for a chat sometime.  I confess my passion for computers has waned since they became a big part of my working life.

Ryan _1985, you might like to check this out too: Home | Greater Manchester Mental Health NHS FT

Thank you, I will. Thank you for sharing.

Ryan_1985, you might like to try this: About Us | Spectrum Gaming

I think you might be right....I feel lucky to have an in-person group in my nearest city which is Sheffield. Hopefully someone on here may have more information on this.