Starting the journey

ThePinkPixie said:

is there anything specific you want to ask?  X

yes - loads :)  I hope I wont get too annoying on the boards in the coming weeks.  Thanks ThePinkPixie x

I'm sure.  x

I suppose I would have too at not even three I would have felt the same. At 15 I certainly don't xxx 

- also to add, I actually am finding the opposite to TPP in that I feel we are being rusheddown a route while he is still very young.  Most of the professionals talk to me about what he does rather than try and engage with him.  Frustrating!

Thank you :)  This is exactly how I feel.  I think some people thought I was pushing him too hard recently.  His nursery had kept him back with a younger age group because of his lack of speech.  I pushed and pushed to understand why he was being discriminated against but they kept telling me he wasnt ready.  Eventually he moved to the next group up and in the 12 weeks he has been there he has started to sit at the table to eat (before he ran about), eat with a fork and spoon, drink from a normal cup, sleep in a bed not a cot, draw circles and faces and shapes - and discover so many things that he loves -I feel without those chances to stretch himself he wont progress.

I cannot tell you how your response has touched me.  Your last 2 sentances have actually reduced me to tears (in a good way).  It give me hope that he can reach for the life he wants.

Getting a diagnosis can be an absolute battle and it sounds as though TPP has had to fight hard to make this happen. There is a common theme on this forum about the sheer difficulty that sufferers and their familes have in getting a diagnosis out of the nhs.

However, be careful what you wish for. There is also a common theme on this website about the problems that can be prompted by just having the label. There are obvious benefits in having a diagnosis since you can do things slightly differently when you know that you are dealing with a child with ASD. There are also issues around knowing whether a particular behaviour is due to their condition or whether it is because they are a normal boy or girl. Children will always push to see what the limits are.

A child may also be badly affected by thinking that they are different or even disabled. This can cause its own issues. A child may believe that it just can't do certain things because it will use the diagnosis as an excuse for not trying.

I got diagnosed at 56 and am glad in one sense that I did not have a label before now as I just kept doing things as best I could and things haven't turned out too badly. Now that I have the diagnosis I can look back and explain 1,000 things that didn't make sense until I had the diagnosis. The diagnosis is a two edged sword. It provides explanations but it can also provide excuses for avoiding things that are best not avoided.

Be positive in the your parenting. Always encourage him to do his best. Positive parenting is the only way to deal with a child with autism - please try not to get into a cycle of disappointment and criticism because this can break an autistic child (or any normal child). My parents never knew that I had Asperger's but they always encouraged and enabled and allowed me to achieve. I wouldn't be where I am now without that encouragement. There are lots of ASD sufferers who have gone on to do great things and lots of us have degrees and careers and families so don't fall into thinking that a diagnosis is a terrible thing. I would much rather have my ASD then lots of other much more serious disabilities.

Not at all x

he had big sensory issues. Smells mainly- they'd make him sick. We'd be invited to kids tea parties and he would throw up almost as soon as we walked in!!! He wouldn't verbalise emotional things. Wouldn't tell you about being bullied until the child in question really hurt him. Didn't like new places. Loud noises would freak him out- fire alarms, any sudden noise was worst. He could list car names and footballers names and numbers. 

He didn't mix well with other kids- didn't get invited to play out an had no desire to join in. Certain foods/textures also caused sickness. 

is there anything specific you want to ask?  X

thanks. do you mind me asking about some of the challenges he faced in his younget years? x

My advice is be strong for your son - you, of all people know him best. They don't like to diagnose too young as things do change a lot as kids grow- all kids. But my son is the eldest of 4 and I was never strong enough to keep opening the doors that were slammed in my face. Consequently, 2 days ago, my son was finally diagnosed with ASD at the age of 15!!! The overwhelming sense of relief that perhaps his young adult life could be potentially easier than his younger years is overwhelming. Monitor him closely- keep a diary and know where he's at developmentally. But above all else, love him for being amazing x x x