Hello.
I am 57 years old and was diagnosed as autistic 2 weeks ago.
I have Complex PTSD as a result of childhood abuse, marital abuse and 2 assaults at work when I was a nurse.
I also have alexithymia to make life even more difficult.
I am a bit lost and feel empty at the moment. I don't know what to do next and was looking for some advice.
Can anybody help?
Hi Samcro Samcro
I'm 62 and was diagnosed 4 years ago as autistic.
I too experienced childhood abuse and although not diagnosed with Complex PTSD for this i and others have a reasonable suspicion that this is part of my mix too.
The assaults I have received are probably more psychological than physical - I have a health care background too, but also gained black belts in martial arts before going into that career so the physical side of things has been less a risk I guess for me.
As regards the alexithymia - yep I have experienced that very profoundly too - especially around the time of diagnosis myself and I completely recognise that lost and empty feeling.
Advice is pretty much a personal thing and we are also bounded by the limitations of this forum and those of safety w/r/to medical advice of course.
As a fellow health care professional I would say that for me taking a "bio-psycho-social" view of my situation was and still is useful.
On the biological side I made sure that I validated the diagnosis by getting handle on the hard scientific evidence and the implications of it for me as an autistic person - this helped me get over any lingering doubt of my being autistic and helped me start to drop the "mask" most importantly from my own analysis of myself - getting over the "imposter syndrome" perhaps in relation to the psychological aspect of it. Biologically I made a point of starting to try to interpret what I was feeling by using how my body felt for feedback on that - it and a mirror, and luckily although perhaps distressingly for all concerned the feedback from family, friends and trusted professionals. Objectively "scoring" my capabilities and activities and how I was doing things gave me an insight into how I was feeling to.
Further on the psychological side of things I learned that I had been running on "fight/flight/fawn" from high stress for so long (despite me believing myself to be something of an expert in meditation and down-regulation of physical evidence of stress...) that the more subtle nuanced emotions and the changes of them were beyond my reach. I started to acknowledge that running my mind and body as some sort of machine that was trying all the while to "hack" ways of resolving (predominantly social and behavoural) differences with neurodivergent me and neurotypical society, its members and its expectations, was an enormous energy cost - and it was one i could no longer sustain.
That last bit touches on the "social" side of things. - Getting my head around the "dual empathy problem" led me closer and closer to realising that the biggest empathy problem I had and probably still do have is in empathising with myself. For this reason the best but perhaps hardest advice I personally have had to take is to be kind to oneself - picking up on what Bunny recommends. All those years of internalisng that I was a problem - that if only I could do this instead of that - from neurotypical society - that was effectively expecting a metaphorical fish to climb a tree...
All this is to say I have had to put some of the hardest work in my life into getting better from the muddle I found/find myself in - so the best advice I have for that is that learning to "do something by not doing something". And as both Bunny and Oscar have highlighted - permit things to take time...
Naturally as a health care professional I was drawn to consider rationally what may also be other health issues that effect how I feel and look to resolve them too - a holistic, balanced approach is important I have found.
My best wishes to you for a happy and fulfilling future Samcro
Phased
Hello Samcro,
I was diagnosed as autistic a handful of months ago. I am in my 70s and my diagnosis has explained so much of my life and difficulties
I have taken things really, really, slowly; for me a diagnosis is not simply a bit of paper but a doorway to a new world. It has taken me several months to adjust and take on board just some of my new reality. I believe taking time is very important as there is a lot of emotional content which may require time to process. If you have waited many decades then a few months extra is a breeze. I can only say that my diagnosis has been the most important thing that has ever happened to me. I am much happier, contented and worry far less. I hope the same will be true for you.
There is a wealth of information about autism on this site and it is worth checking some out. Again, not all at once but as required.
Best wishes.
Congratulations on your autism diagnosis and welcome to the community!
There are plenty of older, late-diagnosed and late-realised people here, so you're in good company!
My own diagnosis turned out to be the start of a new journey of learning and adapting. I'd suggest taking extra care to be patient to, and kind with, yourself - and to take your time with processing everything.
The NAS has a great set of articles focused on "after diagnosis", including one covering how you might feel over time, and others covering support. You might find them helpful as a starting point:
NAS - How will I feel after receiving an autism diagnosis - includes perspectives from other autistic people
NAS - Other advice covering post-diagnosis - including these and more:
Therapy or counselling are often recommended after a diagnosis, as a follow up action for your GP to arrange. If you prefer, depending on where you are in the UK, you might instead be able to self refer for talking therapy.
Before arranging anything you might find it helpful to borrow or buy this book, which includes discussion of various types of therapy and counselling, together with advice on choosing the right therapist or counsellor - all from an autistic person's viewpoint. Several of us here have found it very helpful:
Amazon UK - The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy
I'll also just mention a couple of books that I and others have found helpful early on in our post-diagnosis journeys:
Amazon UK - Self-Care for Autistic People: 100+ Ways to Recharge, De-Stress, and Unmask!
How to Be Autistic (free download currently available via this page)
