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Hello counsellor suggested i could be autistic i am having Difficultly with change in rountine

Kas

Hello everyone I am new here. My counsellor who I have seen for many sessions recently suggested I may be autustic. My husband has a new job for last six months. He has gone from working Monday to Friday 9 til 5 like me to now 12 hour shifts day or night completely different rountine every week. I am really struggling with the impact his routine change has had on my routine. I feel more stressed. Feels like everything has changed. He is enjoying his new varied hours but I am not. I don’t know how I will adapt to it. Have to plan different meal times so we can eat together can’t go in the bedroom in day when he’s sleeping etc. It feels trivial to others but to me it’s really annoying! Can others relate to this? 

Parents

  • Was the job change a mutual descision, did you realise what it would mean in terms of shifts and changes to your while lifestyle?

    Some of us like routine and I don't see whats wrong with having one, we seem to be encouraged to enjoy sponteneity and go along with the subtext that we're boring if we don't instantly drop everything and leap joyfully into chaos. But people can only be spontaneous if theres someone doing all the boring normal daily stuff, like organising the shopping, washing, cooking and cleaning and if you have children or other dependents or semi dependents you're disrupting them too.

    Having lived with someone who regulalry worked nights, it does impact on you, its the little things, not not being able to hoover because you don't want to wake them up, having to field phone calls from people who don't understand that if someones working nights then no they can't be disturbed in the middle of what is thier night.

    It sounds like you are being asked to make compromises that maybe you didn't agree too or didn't realise would impact your lives this way, you are working full time too, are you feeling dumped on? Do more of the household duties now fall on you because you have "regular" hours and he dosen't?

    You maybe autistic, or you may not be, but if you are found to be autistic this dosen't justify a whole lifestyle change being dumped on you and you being expected to suck it up. Your needs as an autistic person are no different to a non autistic person in these circumstances.

  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    Hello and Thankyou for responding.

    It was a joint decision for his job. I am happy for him as this job is better pay for him and better annual leave also. He is definitely feeling more positive and his mental health has improved. 

    I didn’t realise how much the change in routine would affect me. I have spoken to others who have partners that work shifts and they too can relate to my struggles but I feel I am feeling more stressed than them about it. It has only been a few months and I’m hoping I will adjust more as time goes on. 

    i get what you mean about the little things like not being able to hoover etc when they are asleep. He contributes equally to chores I feel grateful for that as I know some men do not do this. I definitely do not feel dumped on. It’s more about my own difficulties with change in routine as I’ve had trouble with other changes looking back over my life that most others would not have been bothered by. I like to plan everything ahead as it helps me feel in control. I find it hard to go with the flow and when things happen I am not expecting or have not planned for I get a bit freaked out. Feel really tense and anxious etc. Others  in my life appear more relaxed I wish I was a bit more like that. 

    I wonder if struggling with things one has not pre planned even if it’s a positive or neutral thing can be related to autistic traits? 

    im still new to exploring autism but I definitely feel I can relate to what I am I discovering about it. 

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  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    Hello and Thankyou for responding.

    It was a joint decision for his job. I am happy for him as this job is better pay for him and better annual leave also. He is definitely feeling more positive and his mental health has improved. 

    I didn’t realise how much the change in routine would affect me. I have spoken to others who have partners that work shifts and they too can relate to my struggles but I feel I am feeling more stressed than them about it. It has only been a few months and I’m hoping I will adjust more as time goes on. 

    i get what you mean about the little things like not being able to hoover etc when they are asleep. He contributes equally to chores I feel grateful for that as I know some men do not do this. I definitely do not feel dumped on. It’s more about my own difficulties with change in routine as I’ve had trouble with other changes looking back over my life that most others would not have been bothered by. I like to plan everything ahead as it helps me feel in control. I find it hard to go with the flow and when things happen I am not expecting or have not planned for I get a bit freaked out. Feel really tense and anxious etc. Others  in my life appear more relaxed I wish I was a bit more like that. 

    I wonder if struggling with things one has not pre planned even if it’s a positive or neutral thing can be related to autistic traits? 

    im still new to exploring autism but I definitely feel I can relate to what I am I discovering about it. 

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