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Hello counsellor suggested i could be autistic i am having Difficultly with change in rountine

Kas

Hello everyone I am new here. My counsellor who I have seen for many sessions recently suggested I may be autustic. My husband has a new job for last six months. He has gone from working Monday to Friday 9 til 5 like me to now 12 hour shifts day or night completely different rountine every week. I am really struggling with the impact his routine change has had on my routine. I feel more stressed. Feels like everything has changed. He is enjoying his new varied hours but I am not. I don’t know how I will adapt to it. Have to plan different meal times so we can eat together can’t go in the bedroom in day when he’s sleeping etc. It feels trivial to others but to me it’s really annoying! Can others relate to this? 

  • Was the job change a mutual descision, did you realise what it would mean in terms of shifts and changes to your while lifestyle?

    Some of us like routine and I don't see whats wrong with having one, we seem to be encouraged to enjoy sponteneity and go along with the subtext that we're boring if we don't instantly drop everything and leap joyfully into chaos. But people can only be spontaneous if theres someone doing all the boring normal daily stuff, like organising the shopping, washing, cooking and cleaning and if you have children or other dependents or semi dependents you're disrupting them too.

    Having lived with someone who regulalry worked nights, it does impact on you, its the little things, not not being able to hoover because you don't want to wake them up, having to field phone calls from people who don't understand that if someones working nights then no they can't be disturbed in the middle of what is thier night.

    It sounds like you are being asked to make compromises that maybe you didn't agree too or didn't realise would impact your lives this way, you are working full time too, are you feeling dumped on? Do more of the household duties now fall on you because you have "regular" hours and he dosen't?

    You maybe autistic, or you may not be, but if you are found to be autistic this dosen't justify a whole lifestyle change being dumped on you and you being expected to suck it up. Your needs as an autistic person are no different to a non autistic person in these circumstances.

  • Hi Kas, 

    Welcome to the online community

    I am sorry to hear about your struggles with a big change in routine. Late-diagnosed autistic individuals can often start their journey after a counsellor recognises traits in them. I am not sure how much you know about autism and so I want to direct you to a good starting point of 'what is autism' on our page: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/what-is-autism 

    We also have a page on the preference for order, predictability or routine that you may find useful to read: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/about-autism/preference-for-order-predictability-or-routine 

    I hope you will also find support from our community when they respond.

    Best wishes, 

    Alice Mod