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My 29yo son has not left the house in over 5 years...

NewUserKS160626

I am 64 and was diagnosed with aspergers in 2016.

I guess Im high functioning having been succesful in IT and wronte a few tech books.

My son (29) i beleive is aspergers/autistic and has not left the house in 5 years or more.

He does some online graphics work to earn enough to feed himself but thats about it.

I and he have never before applied for asked for any finanacial help preferring to battle on, which has worked, but now my wifes recruitment business is failing and creating almost no income (35k loss last year) so I though I would ask people here.

I dont feel comformtable asking my son if he wants to be diagnosed so we just drudge on.

  • in reply to RachelO

    literally has not set foot outside the front door for 5 or more years

  • Dear NewUserKS160626,

    Welcome to the community, it is really great to have you here!

    It sounds like a really difficult situation for you and your son. I have shared our resource for Anxiety in case that may be influencing why your son is not leaving the house, it has some helpful tips for helping with anxiety. I have also included our Autism Services Directory where you can find support for yourself or your son that is available in your local area.

    In terms of financial help, it may be worth taking a look at Financial help, money and benefits

    If your son is interested he would be very welcome to join the online community, there is no need to have a diagnosis to join us and many members do not have a formal diagnoses. 

    Best wishes,

    Olivia Mod

  • in reply to RachelO

    He's perfectly capable of working (from the outside), he's very intelligent, funny and hugely infuriating. To be honest, he barely acts as we exist, as long as he has a roof over his head and food in the fridge he's more than content!

  • in reply to Hergé

    Some people may be addicted to gaming and it can negatively effect them. One of my nephews my sister got them a gaming console before their GCSE's and they became quite hooked at playing at night and it affected some of their exam preparation. They could play with strangers online to.  I don't know if that happened to your son or perhaps it didn't . Soon children under 16 some of this will be banned online gaming on consoles. Perhaps it could be a talking point with your son to see if he thinks it affected him. May be it stole some of his life. May be he can do something about if he knows this if it is so. If he has an addiction he can get help from a counsellor. 

    If your wife needs to be hospitalised at some point doesn't your son want to be able to visit at some point. That can something to work towards if it is happens. 

    Starting local and in a car can be good for some like to go a park etc. Depending on where you live he may be able to get mobility transport to and perhaps a freedom travel card. 

    My nephew stopped his obsessive playing with games and went onto have a son and works.

  • I can relate.

    I was diagnosed with ASD and ADHD-i in my early 50s, my son was assessed when he was a child, he's now 25. I managed to get him a job collecting trolleys where I work but he was canned as he wouldn't/couldn't keep to the schedule he was given.

    I've tried to coax and push him into training/experience rolls but he just either doesn't attend or just gives up. As he's an adult I'm not in the loop unless he wants me there and he doesn't.

    He exists in his room, gaming and sleeping, he generally appears at meal times or some time after I've gone to bed.

    We've had the discussion regarding his future and what would happen if something happened to either myself or his mum but it just doesn't seem to matter. My wife has now been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, so part of that prospect is very real!

    We are currently okay financially but that could change if we go down to one wage.

    He won't even mention to the job centre that he's autistic as he doesn't want to appear different, he's always been like that. He gets some sort of benefit (which he won't discuss with me) but I'm sure the job centre will lose patience at some point.

    It's a really difficult situation and I can't see a way out of it?

  • May be you could send your son the AQ-10 or AQ-50 test which is a preliminary test  which he could do online.

    You can note conditions that you have suffered from over 6 months on a PIP form even if you are not diagnosed with them. They must though need to affect you to a degree enough to be able to claim benefit.

    Btw, you need to claim PIP before retirement age to be able to claim it after this age.

    It may be worth your son trying to claim Universal Credit if he is below the minimum income that will allow for this and has savings under the amount needed.

    You have written that your son hasn’t left the house in 5 years, I don’t know if you mean this literally. Does he go to the front gate etc or the local shops etc?

    Depending which area you live in there are some groups for neurodivergent people like the London Autism Group.

    Try to get them to follow leads in the community where their hobbies are.  There are graphics and computer museums out there for example.

    There may be some other reasons why your son hasn’t left the house as well and perhaps speaking to a GP about this may be in order as a first place to go. There are other conditions out there like agoraphobia and anxiety.