Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, I have a son who is 18 years old. I guess i've known for a while that something wasnt quite right. He had all sorts of assessments carried out in primary school but they were all academic and all showed that he was above average academicaly but about a year ago, he told me he "felt like a freak" as he was so different from other people in his school year. He has spent a year undergoing all sorts of assessments, he's been told he has social anxiety disorder, may have aspergers, no he doesnt, he's seen psychiatrists, and now waiting an assessment for High Functioning Autism. I need some help and support. He lives in his bedroom, he is doing a 6th form course but other than that he has no contact with anyone. people keep telling me that i am in the wrong for lettting him stay in his room and for not making him go to certain family functions etc. I know that he has panic attacks if he has to face certain situations and Its been noted that he may be depressed. His biological dad asks very little about him, is easier to just let him stay in his room and have no contact with him. My new partner thinks I'm too soft on him and should make him socialise when necessary. I've also been told been I'm uncaring and inconsiderate peoplehave said that one day I will come home and find him "hanging". such comments are almost unbearable and as i type this I am in tears! I feel so alone. I just dont know what to do for the best. I am terrified that I may do the wrong thing and push my son over the edge. I feel he doesnt feel understood as it is and i'm so scared to do the wrong thing. I so need to speak with people in the same boat as me..... I feel so alone and so useless where my son is concerned. I just need some help and guidance.....this is all new to me and i'm trying to cope with it all alone. please help me
hi Sierra
I think your son has done well to finish his college course, and that must have been with a lot of support and help from you to keep him going, and it can't have been easy. My daughter is still at school for another year and finds it hard going, but I hope she will eventually be able to go to college.
Take all the support that is offered to you from the team, and hopefully something will help.
I am waiting now to see if my daughter gets a diagnosis, but even then she will have to learn to take responsibility for herself, and push herself to go out, and it's already hard to get her to do that, and she has sensitivity issues that make matters worse.
She is very happy at home on her own, and would stay in all the time, but that's not going to help for her in the future.
Several years ago when I was worried because she wouldn't go out, people used to tell me I was lucky because I knew where she was and she wasn't the sort to be going out at all hours causing trouble. And Parenting courses I have been on have said things like ''to ground your child and make then stay in if they are naughty''.. but that would be no punishment at all but the best reward ever for her. Those people just didn't understand what it was like.
Like you I worry about what the future holds, will there be a job, or even able to live independently.
Try not to worry, remind yourself he has got through college and that's a great achievement not only for him, but for you too, helping him to do that.
You haven't let him down as you are also trying to find help and support for him, and even coming onto this site should give some help too.
I don't have anyone to go and have a cuppa with either, but I am here if you want to keep in touch, and there are others on the site who will support you too.
Here's hoping for a good week. x