Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, I have a son who is 18 years old. I guess i've known for a while that something wasnt quite right. He had all sorts of assessments carried out in primary school but they were all academic and all showed that he was above average academicaly but about a year ago, he told me he "felt like a freak" as he was so different from other people in his school year. He has spent a year undergoing all sorts of assessments, he's been told he has social anxiety disorder, may have aspergers, no he doesnt, he's seen psychiatrists, and now waiting an assessment for High Functioning Autism. I need some help and support. He lives in his bedroom, he is doing a 6th form course but other than that he has no contact with anyone. people keep telling me that i am in the wrong for lettting him stay in his room and for not making him go to certain family functions etc. I know that he has panic attacks if he has to face certain situations and Its been noted that he may be depressed. His biological dad asks very little about him, is easier to just let him stay in his room and have no contact with him. My new partner thinks I'm too soft on him and should make him socialise when necessary. I've also been told been I'm uncaring and inconsiderate peoplehave said that one day I will come home and find him "hanging". such comments are almost unbearable and as i type this I am in tears! I feel so alone. I just dont know what to do for the best. I am terrified that I may do the wrong thing and push my son over the edge. I feel he doesnt feel understood as it is and i'm so scared to do the wrong thing. I so need to speak with people in the same boat as me..... I feel so alone and so useless where my son is concerned. I just need some help and guidance.....this is all new to me and i'm trying to cope with it all alone. please help me
Thank you for your response JennyRobin. My son is 19 next month and has recently received a diagnosis of Aspergers. He finishes his college course this week and now the battle of getting some form of diagnosis and getting him regular sessions with a psychologist is over, we now face the next hurdle of what to do next. His social skills are so bad I cant imagine him finding a job very easily. There is very little help and advise out there. He is due to see the Autism Spectrum conditions team next month who hopefully will help support and guide him into his next stage of life, because if i'm honest I feel hopeless as to know what to do for him, how to help him or who to turn to. I cant let him live his life in his room and theres also the financial side of things. I hoped and thought a diagnosis would relieve some of the stress, but that is yet to come.
I am sorry to hear that your situation is tough too. I no its not easy and I wish I had someone close that I could pop round for a cup of tea and a natter who understood and empathised with me. I know I have it easy compared with some, but we all want whats best for our kids and I cant feel that so far in life I've let my son down.
Best wishes, keep on battling x