Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, I have a son who is 18 years old. I guess i've known for a while that something wasnt quite right. He had all sorts of assessments carried out in primary school but they were all academic and all showed that he was above average academicaly but about a year ago, he told me he "felt like a freak" as he was so different from other people in his school year. He has spent a year undergoing all sorts of assessments, he's been told he has social anxiety disorder, may have aspergers, no he doesnt, he's seen psychiatrists, and now waiting an assessment for High Functioning Autism. I need some help and support. He lives in his bedroom, he is doing a 6th form course but other than that he has no contact with anyone. people keep telling me that i am in the wrong for lettting him stay in his room and for not making him go to certain family functions etc. I know that he has panic attacks if he has to face certain situations and Its been noted that he may be depressed. His biological dad asks very little about him, is easier to just let him stay in his room and have no contact with him. My new partner thinks I'm too soft on him and should make him socialise when necessary. I've also been told been I'm uncaring and inconsiderate peoplehave said that one day I will come home and find him "hanging". such comments are almost unbearable and as i type this I am in tears! I feel so alone. I just dont know what to do for the best. I am terrified that I may do the wrong thing and push my son over the edge. I feel he doesnt feel understood as it is and i'm so scared to do the wrong thing. I so need to speak with people in the same boat as me..... I feel so alone and so useless where my son is concerned. I just need some help and guidance.....this is all new to me and i'm trying to cope with it all alone. please help me
My heart goes out to you SC, my honest opinion is as his mother you know what's right where your son is concerned panic attacks are not pleasant and no one can force anyone to do anything only encourage, he is irrespective of whatever he has also a young adult entitled to make decisions for himself.
My son is only 5 so I may have this to come but was seemingly vety anti social myself in my late teens to mud 20s I still find group meetings exhausting as I worry about leaving people out not talking to everyone etc and much prefer one to one. You need support from professionals but also to know as far as friends and family are concerned they are entitled to their opinion but remind them it is NOT them who live with your son. I think encouraging them to get involved in a positive way by emailing and texting your son is brilliant advice as long as they are reminded to keep it to chat and not to nag or pressurise. Your son might feel more comfortable socialising in a structured format for me it was martial arts class. 6 mths attending several classes a week I never spoke to anyone, then I was encouraged to stay for a cup of tea and slowly I learned to socialuse better.
I don't think YOU are wrong at all I think those around expecting you to wave a magic wand are!