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Hello

Emmerrlove90

Hi I’m new here. I got diagnosed last June at 35. I really hate it. 
I have been going through the last few weeks feeling very lonely and depressed to the point I’m sleeping too much. 
I don’t think I ever will be ok with this. Absolutely fed up of being myself with this brain! Cry

  • Welcome 

    I hope you find our community welcoming and a fun place to be in

    Look after yourself I know what depression can be like - prioritise self care and meeting your needs first 

  • Hello.

    Even though I knew it wouldn't, I think I still sort of hoped being diagnosed last May and understanding things would somehow magically make things better. 

    In some ways they have, I got out of burnout, am kinder to myself and solved a lot of the confusion. But, of course I still have the same life. To change requires uncertainty, which is hard. And getting stressed narrows thinking and encourages procrastination.

    I think I just have to push a bit and do more things.

    Loneliness is strange. You want company but time alone, to go places but not be anxious, to explore but stay at home, to mingle but avoid crowds, to have fun but not push too hard, etc. You want to be sharp but numb, to think but not too much.

    Try not to focus on the negatives too much. If I do, I start spiralling, and come up with lots of logical reasons why things won't get better. But I don't know the future, things change, my logic may have errors and my perspective changes. Some days when I have no pressure I feel positive, which shows thinking depends on what mode I am in.

    You just have to hang on in the bad bits and wait for feeling good to return in a few days, or sometimes a few hours. I wish I could hold a consistent frame.

  • Hallo, welcome to the community! I wish you find here support and enjoy being here. I'm sorry to hear that you have depression. You may need to contact doctor for help.

  • Hi Emmerrlove90, and a warm welcome to the online community!  We are glad to have you here.

    It can be difficult to adjust to receiving a late diagnosis, and I am sorry to hear you're struggling.  I hope our online community can be a warm and supportive place for you.

    You may like to have a look at our information pages on After Diagnosis: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/diagnosis/after-diagnosis  They may help you sort through some of your feelings, and identify any support that might be available to you.

    You mention feeling depressed and struggling with loneliness, so you might also find some helpful information in our guides here:

    It may also be a good idea to contact your GP to have a chat with them about how you're feeling, as they will be best informed on how to support you going forward.

    I hope you find this helpful, and please remember that you are not alone in feeling this way.  Our community will always be here for you if you feel like reaching back out.