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Hello - This is me, I'm new

Trying2bme

Hope all is well.  I was assessed Autistic at 50 which was partly a relief that my struggles from young girl to womanhood were real and validated a lived experience.  It took me about 25 years or more of digging, reading and researching as to why life seemed so difficult to reach to being assessed in 2026.  Everyone seemed to have the manual to life but mine seems to be missing.  Socialising for me is a game where I do not know the rules.

At this point I am trying to work out what next? There is a grief of things I have done to fit in, be liked or try not to appear weird.  Thinking about it leaves me feeling ashamed, embarrassed and remorseful for those I may have hurt and angry with those who made me feel unworthy.

From my Profile:

HOBBIES: I like knitting, sewing, making jewellery with metal clay and wire work.  Love taking pictures of flowers. Love learning something new - I will attend courses that spark my interest at a College or any Life Long Learning Centre

CULTURE: Love live music (to a certain point) from around the world, some films directed by Tim Burton, Star Wars and Star Trek

TRAVEL: Like to travel however only a few days need to return home not that adventurous.

Please be gentle I am still learning, healing  and trying to survive in a world that feels unsafe.

If you read this thank you.

Parents

  • From a fairly young age I learnt to make my "weirdness" into a possitive rather than a negative, it's part of who I am so I stopped fighting it and engaged with it. People now accept me or they don't, I'm happy either way, as long as they engage with me authentically. I found the last thing I needed was people criticising me all the time, it made the world feel tight and small and I couldn't breathe, I couldn't "fit in", I'm the wrong shape for NT boxes, so whilst I may not have many friends or do many of the things NT's do, I'm happier for it, I can breathe and be me, weird stuff still happens to me, like I fell down a rabbit hole whilst thinking about Lewis Carroll, but people sort of expect that sort of thing from me now and laugh with me not at me.

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  • From a fairly young age I learnt to make my "weirdness" into a possitive rather than a negative, it's part of who I am so I stopped fighting it and engaged with it. People now accept me or they don't, I'm happy either way, as long as they engage with me authentically. I found the last thing I needed was people criticising me all the time, it made the world feel tight and small and I couldn't breathe, I couldn't "fit in", I'm the wrong shape for NT boxes, so whilst I may not have many friends or do many of the things NT's do, I'm happier for it, I can breathe and be me, weird stuff still happens to me, like I fell down a rabbit hole whilst thinking about Lewis Carroll, but people sort of expect that sort of thing from me now and laugh with me not at me.

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