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Reative understanding

Flowers

Im late diagnosed Audhd. I have to spend a lot of time with my Mum now, ive told her my diagnosis and tried to explain some things and she says she wants to understand but doesn't take any of it in. I think part of it is she doesn't want to acknowledge it because she sees it as a failing to her that I am it/she didn't help me as a child/she can't help me now.

She seems to have a lot of empathy for others but won't accept it with me. Is it that she's elderly and its simply too much for her to process now and I should just give up and bite my tongue when she comments on my behaviour? She does not have dementia or anything like that but also not quite her former self. Are there any concise books I could show her that may help her understand so we don't clash so much.

Thank you

  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    Shes always been negative about my behaviour, my whole family has. But now im less able to get away from her.

  • in reply to profdanger

    Thank you for the book eecommendation, ill check it out.

  • in reply to Alice-nice-Alice

    I think its easy to accept anything when she sees it as other people, not connected to her, but yes Ive always felt unaccepted in a lot of ways. Its just not so easy to walk away currently and if I dont find something to help then nothing will be improved. Thank you for the truth bomb, I know it deep down but Ive had to ignore that my whole life.

  • Good morning from America, Flowers!

    If you want a quick and easy book, Self-Care for Autistic People by Dr. Megan Neff is a fantastic self help book. While its purpose is primarily for helping us to cope with Autism, I think it could be a window into the world of what we deal with on a daily basis.

    If   is correct and some of it is guilt, I’d say make it clear that our understanding of Autism has changed so much over the last several decades. There was no way she could have known, as doctors didn’t really know what we know now back then.

  • Is it possible she feels guilt? It's not rational, but parents often blame themselves for things their children suffer from or have.

    Did she comment on your behaviour before you told her of your diagnosis? If not ask her why she's doing it now.

  • in reply to Alice-nice-Alice
    Alice-nice-Alice said:
    We get this a lot in the LGBTQ community, people are really cool about gay and trans people, so long as none of us actually appear in their family! 

    That’s a sad thought. I hope it’s generally not true that straight supporters of LGBTQ turn when they have a family member come out as gay. I know you’re right that LGBTQ often face hardships with family (I also just learned that here in the States some LGBTQ teens lose their social security cards and other important papers when they are kicked out of their families), but I hope it’s not as prevalent among LGBTQ supporters as you hint here.

  • We get this a lot in the LGBTQ community, people are really cool about gay and trans people, so long as none of us actually appear in their family! 

    It is often attributed to being a generational thing but I disagree and my experience backs this up. My mum was 94 when she died in 2019 and supported me through everything despite many of my choices not being ones she would make, my wife’s parents however, both younger were explicit about them not believing in gay marriage. 

    People are either kind and accepting or cruel and narrow minded. This is my experience and not a judgement beyond the people I know personally 

    best wishes

    Alice