Newly Diagnosed after two years at 39

Hope your new move goes smoothly. It clicked for me in 2024, and I just waiting for the diagnosis, to confirm it for me. But now looking back all my behaviours from childhood an now make sense and I will be able to better manage them.

I was diagnosed in ‘middle age’ too - but as both my children had already been diagnosed (one at least ten years earlier) I was already fairly comfortable with the fact that I was autistic. I haven’t come across much support for someone like me locally - but I haven’t exactly been looking for support really. From my experience with my children I’d become a bit cynical about the kinds of support (and the lack of support) that’s around. We’re going to be moving house at some point over the next year though - and we’ve resolved to get a bit more involved with people and social stuff when we move to a new area. So that will be interesting to see what’s out there that myself and my family might be able to get involved in. Because of our natural tendency to avoid social stuff I feel we’ve become too isolated. 

Yeah, I know what you mean, even though they've said, you still want to see it in writing! There can be such a spin of emotions at first, and they are all valid and good to sit with for a bit so you can understand yourself better now! 

Waiting was always the hardest part for me between appointments, and I got so anxious with it all. I think I was very much on edge after too, though for me I got diagnosed end of November, so I ended up putting it to side a bit to focus on Christmas then for my kids, and I think reminding yourself you can still do the things you liked doing before can help, so you can keep balance. (Like I went back to reading some fiction books I like inbetween the ones on autism.) I think it helped me to not get swept under by the hugeness of it all.  Finding whatever grounds you can help a lot I think, as it's a lot of redfining yourself as you rethink over all your memories with your new autistic lens!

Aw thank you, I think I’m still a little on the edge, as I have found the build up to the appointments exhausting. Now I have to wait a further, 10 days for the report. Until I receive this and I read it, in my mind it still won’t be official. Ofcourse, I have started researching support, I will use the links Bunny sent me, they are very useful. I have started watching videos. It’s good to finally know, what years of confusion is down to.

I think it can really help to give yourself time to process it first, it can take a bit to let it sink in and work through the feelings that might be whirling around. If you can get some professional support like some autism-friendly talking therapy, you might find that a good way to process it. I would probably check out the links Bunny sent to see what you can get on your area, as it's a bit of a lottery!

Take some time and make sure you are ready to tell people -It's great your best friend has taken it on board it can really help if you feel someone believes you, you just need to be strong enough to deal with people not reacting well, or not the way you want them to which is hard. The more support you can get though, the better, just take it one step at a time. 

I do hope it all goes well for you. Reading websites, books, listening to podcasts and watching videos might help you take it in, and chatting on here to others in the same boat! There are always lots of people starting out on their journeys of self-understanding and acceptance, it honestly helps to be brave and reach out, it's a safe space to chat about what it means to you!

Perfect, thank you so much. At the moment only my best friend knows. I haven’t told my family yet, I just don’t want to burden anyone or be judged.

Hi Marnee - congratulations on your diagnosis and welcome to the community!

As for many others, my diagnosis turned out to be the start of a new journey of learning and adapting, rather than a conclusion with instant solutions. I'd suggest taking extra care to be patient to, and kind with, yourself - and to take your time with processing everything.

The NAS has a great set of articles focused on "after diagnosis", including one covering how you might feel during the subsequent days / weeks / months, and others covering the kinds of support that you can access. You might find them helpful as a starting point:

NAS - How you might feel after a diagnosis - includes perspectives from other autistic people.

NAS - Other advice covering post-diagnosis - including details of support and what to do if you don't receive it:

• Talking about and disclosing your autism diagnosis
• Emotional support for family members after a diagnosis
• Formal support following an autism diagnosis
• What can I do if formal support is not offered or is not enough

In respect of burnout, I suggest seeking support from your GP. Alongside that, you might find these resources helpful - including for seeking reasonable adjustments at work:

NAS - Autistic fatigue and burnout

NAS Professional Practice - Understanding autistic burnout

NAS - Employment

Therapy or counselling are often recommended after a diagnosis, as a follow up action for your GP to arrange. If you prefer, depending on where you are in the UK, you might instead be able to self refer for talking therapy on the NHS. 

Before arranging it, you might find it helpful to borrow or buy this book, which includes discussion of various types of therapy and counselling, together with advice on choosing the right therapist or counsellor - all from an autistic person's viewpoint. Several of us here have found it very helpful:

The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy

Finally, I'll just mention a couple of books that I and others have found helpful early on in our post-diagnosis journeys:

Self-Care for Autistic People: 100+ Ways to Recharge, De-Stress, and Unmask!

How to Be Autistic (free download currently available via this page)