Newly Diagnosed.

These are the things that got me most:

It is a wrench to your identity. You aren't who you thought you were. It takes a while to go over it all. You'll end up almost back where you started though. You are still you, but it takes time to assure yourself of that.

It is also hard to know that no matter how hard you tried, you were never going to be quite the same as everyone else. It feels like it was all wasted effort, but it wasn't. However, it takes time to become comfortable with it all.

If you embrace it you'll want to know in what ways am I affected and different. So you read everything you can and think about all the things you do. I analysed everything over months looking for patterns. There is less then you think, as there a few underlying root cause things that cause a number of symptoms. You'll then realise you aren't so different as you think, although there are a few challenges and adaptations needed. But you can do them from a position of knowledge, not confusion.

With the new info you replay many past events. Lits of "what if's", or "if only" type things appear. There may be loss and regret, and grief. This has been very hard for me. It may take a year or more. But you will likely be too harsh on yourself and too black and white.

I encourage you to look up cognitive distortions if you don't already know them. We are more prone to them. They also happen a lot when stressed. Being aware of them may help you. Also knowing your thinking changes when stressed is useful to know.

Try to find ways to be calm and make time for yourself. Try to reduce pressure. Find something nice each day, such as sitting in the garden for 30 mins, or feed the ducks, or a walk. Don't feel guilty about relaxing or doing nothing. It all helps. Try to sleep enough, although it can be very hard. Sleep is the biggest thing for feeling better.

Thank you Bunny for replying & for the articles to read.

I was feeling rather lost & find it helps to read up on things so I can start to have an understanding. Wasn't sure where to begin, I'll give them a read.

Thank you for replying, and yes I am feeling a lot of different thoughts & emotions including imposter feelings.

Appreciate connecting with people who understand.

Hello.

It is a strange mix of feelings, thoughts and emotions. It makes you wonder how you managed so long and why you didn't guess earlier.

Be aware of the imposter feelings and the disappointment when others don't really understand, and wondering if they made a mistake. It's all normal.

Now you know you'll likely allow yourself to notice all the little things you were hiding and see what things use up effort.

Just be kind to yourself and don't expect too much. It takes time to assimilate and process it. 

Hi Amy - congratulations on your diagnosis and welcome to the community!

Following a diagnosis, it can be common for us to experience a lot of emotional dysregulation - I've linked to an article below about this.

As for many others, my own late diagnosis turned out to be the start of a new journey of learning and adapting, rather than a conclusion with instant solutions. I suggest taking extra care to be patient to, and kind with, yourself - and to take your time with processing everything.

It's great that you have support from your brother and friend, but also disappointing to hear such ill-informed comments from your closest friend. One of the other articles mentioned below (Talking about and disclosing...) might also be of help, and includes insights from other autistic people.  

The NAS also has several other articles focused on "after diagnosis", including those  I've mentioned already. You might find them helpful as a starting point:

NAS - How you might feel after a diagnosis - includes perspectives from other autistic people

NAS - Other advice covering post-diagnosis - including:

• Talking about and disclosing your autism diagnosis
• Emotional support for family members after a diagnosis
• Formal support following an autism diagnosis
• What can I do if formal support is not offered or is not enough

Therapy or counselling are often recommended after a diagnosis, as a follow up action for your GP to arrange. If you prefer, depending on where you are in the UK, you might instead be able to self refer for talking therapy on the NHS. 

Before arranging it, you might find it helpful to borrow or buy this book, which includes discussion of various types of therapy and counselling, together with advice on choosing the right therapist or counsellor - all from an autistic person's viewpoint. Several of us here have found it very helpful:

The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy

Finally, I'll just mention a couple of books that I and others have found helpful early on in our post-diagnosis journeys:

Self-Care for Autistic People: 100+ Ways to Recharge, De-Stress, and Unmask!

How to Be Autistic (free download currently available via this page)