• Replies 3 replies
  • Subscribers 70 subscribers
  • Views 61 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Husband waiting diagnosis - we’ve been together 20 years

Jennielouises

My husband is 44 and waiting for diagnosis. We’ve been together 20 years and I love him so much. Since the pandemic he’s really struggled and I think found himself unmasking. He’s struggled to find a job and keep it due to several reasons - getting focused on one thing so not doing other tasks, saying something inappropriate or over sharing, and struggling to concentrate so making small mistakes. He’s now looking for another job but both him and I worry it will happen again. I’ve tried to help but I’m not sure I’m doing it right. Since I’ve been learning more about autism I’ve understood my husband so much more. One thing I’ve realised is he needs to work things out himself to understand things or accept an idea. Which is totally fine. But he’s stuck trying to work out what the issues are when working and how to find ways to manage it. He’s getting more and more depressed (he’s already on ssri’s) and says he feels useless and like he’s all wrong like “when he was a kid” (his words). 

I really just want to help him. Any advice? 

Parents

  • Hi and welcome to the community.

    Struggling with working seems to happen to a lot of autistic people, so perhaps if your husband learns this he will feel less "different". There is some information on the main part of this website which may help - here is a link:

    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/employment

    There is also a guide for partners of autistic people which you may find useful:

    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/family-life-and-relationships/family-life/partners

    It may be that your husband needs some workplace adjustments to help him at work, such as being able to move to a quieter part of the office, using noise cancelling headphones, having written instructions for tasks rather than verbal ones, or working from home some of the time. Employers should try to accommodate the needs of employees even without a diagnosis. So have a chat with him about what might help with his concentration and suggest he speaks to HR or his manager. 

    I hope things improve soon.

  • in reply to Lotus

    Thank you. The trouble is he doesn’t have a job right now. Before the pandemic he’d had two jobs were he’d been at each for at least 8 years. But since the pandemic the longest he’s held a job down for is 9 months. The last one he told them he’s waiting for diagnosis of ASD and asked for adjustments but they said he needs to know what adjustments he needs (which he doesn’t know yet) and still let him go after six months. He keeps failing his probation and is now worried and stressed about finding another job and it happening again 

Reply
  • in reply to Lotus

    Thank you. The trouble is he doesn’t have a job right now. Before the pandemic he’d had two jobs were he’d been at each for at least 8 years. But since the pandemic the longest he’s held a job down for is 9 months. The last one he told them he’s waiting for diagnosis of ASD and asked for adjustments but they said he needs to know what adjustments he needs (which he doesn’t know yet) and still let him go after six months. He keeps failing his probation and is now worried and stressed about finding another job and it happening again 

Children
No Data