Hi folks,
I really don't where to begin, but I'll start somewhere.
I was diagnosed with ADHD (combined type) around 5 years ago, and then as Autistic level 1 approx 18 months ago.
My Autism diagnosis hit the hardest.
The assessment process felt brutal. Particularly completing my pre assessment questionnaire, which actually felt like writing a biography.
I would complete one question, and find myself having to sleep for a couple of hours afterwards, and there were always lots of tears.
At the point of getting my diagnosis, I still didn't believe it, and felt like ny psychiatrist had made a mistake.
The skills regression experience is real for me, as well as the burnout. That has been a real battle over the last 12 months, and I'm back im burnout again. I don't think I've ever slept so much in my life.
One of the hardest things for me is that I sometimes wonder if things would have been easier without the diagnosis. Life felt alot easier. But im conscious that you only read, think and talk alot about Autism, pre diagnosis, if you are Autistic.
Validation from loved ones has been minimal. I've heard comments like "everyone is a bit Autistic" or even recently "I don't think you're Autistic, you just need to fight it". This latter comment was heartbreaking.
If someone asked me how I feel post diagnosis, I would say that I feel like life as an adult is so hard for me, and I'm exhausted. I have to work so hard and i am massively winging it. The world is loud, and unforgiving.
I've never been able to understand how people can smile naturally on demand in photos, I can't and the demands of performing make my head want to explode. I find social events because of the photos make me feel quite low in self esteem
When I'm feeling self conscious on video calls I have to cover my mouth because I feel self conscious about my face looking glum or too serious.
